Sunday, April 30, 2006

Another Sunday Out & About With Weasel & Country Mouse...and Dinah

Today was the nicest day of the spring yet in Midcoast Maine. Glorious sunshine, warm temperature, and not a hint of the sometimes biting wind that swirls a winter's worth of accumulated dust around was enough to put an end to our half hearted cleaning and send us off on a stroll through downtown Rockland and along the boardwalk to the South End. The smell of sunblock and sea combined with the warm weather was almost enough to fool me into thinking it was June. If only everyday was like this. As always, click to enlarge any image should you choose.

Paul Simon's original title.

In the park of random marine objects.

Rockland harbor.

Another one of the harbor.

The lovely Country Mouse in the process of realizing that she is over-dressed for the weather. In Maine in the spring it often pays to leave the house understanding that sometimes the sun writes checks it cannot cash. Not today, though.

Conte's: one of the best and certainly the oddest restaurant in the area. The building looks like set dressing from
Popeye- The Movie, it lacks electricity (cooking and refrigeration are propane powered), the tables are cable drums, the menu is written every day on a collossal roll of butcher paper and you order before you cross the threshold of the restaurant, the wait staff will yell at you if you question Conte's m.o., and the food is spectacular.

The municipal lobster cookers. Every year at the Lobster Festival something like 47 quazillion bugs meet their end here.

Warm weather or no, the town floats don't go in until Memorial Day. Always have, always will.

Weasel and Dinah enjoy MBNA's gift to the community.

I couldn't figure out where all the lobster boats were. I guess there is Sunday fishing after all.

Rockland from the South End. Schooner masts and seaweed processing plants ahoy!

Our municipal Indiana.

"Dinah! Do the big tongue! Big tongue Dinah! Good girl Dinah!"

Friday, April 28, 2006

Obscenity


On my one mile walk to work this morning in the bright spring sunshine I saw only one cyclist and two other pedestrians- one a old oyster of a man doing the block around the assisted living facility and the other a mentally ill woman decked out with plastic bags and old sweatpants muttering to herself. Meanwhile I was passed by at least 300 cars (I lost count), many with only one occupant. It could be said that in the 15 minutes it took me to get from door to door, I saw one vehicle for every 0.75 people who live in my rural Maine county.

With the price of gasoline hovering at about $3 a gallon (or about a dollar less than the price of a gallon of milk at the local grocery) there are proposals afoot in the US Senate to deliver a $100 gas rebate to all taxpayers earning under $125,000 ($150,000 for couples).

As the Senate prepares to rush through relief because a gallon of gasoline now costs about 90c less than I pay for my cable TV and high speed internet per day, the UN World Food Programme announced this morning that food rations for the 6.1 million Sudanese dependent on food aid (refugees from the genocide in Darfur and others in the region) will have to be cut in half due to a shortfall in funding.

This is not a solely American failing. The US is providing $188 million towards the total cost of $746 million (or $122 per head) but the wealthy nations of European Union and Arab League are falling short on their contributions.

That said, according to a story in the Los Angeles Daily News, "The price tag for the Republican package (of gas rebates- WW) had not been calculated but aides said it would cost less than $20 billion."

$736 million to feed 6.1 million fellow human beings. Or "less than $20 billion" to ease the pain of a nation that has fallen out of the habit of walking or biking. The Canadian poet Margaret Sangster summed it up quite well with The Sin of Omission.

For life is all too short, dear,
And sorrow is all too great;
To suffer our slow compassion
That tarries until too late;
And it's not the thing you do, dear,
It's the thing you leave undone,
Which gives you a bit of heartache
At the setting of the sun.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Painting Number Six

Time once again for another entry in my drawn-out list of my ten favorite paintings. Strictly speaking, this one isn't a painting but it certainly is a portrait. Just not a conventional one:

Sir John Sulston: A Genomic Portrait
Marc Quinn, 2001

At first glance this is a terribly ugly piece of conceptual art. If it strikes you as looking like a culture on a petri dish, that's because it pretty much is. The portrait consists of bacterial cultures grown in agar jelly on a sperm sample from Sir John Sulston. Sulston is the former director of the Sanger Centre at Cambridge University, where work instrumental in decoding the human genome was carried out.

Speaking in 2001 at the portrait's unveiling at London's National Portrait Gallery, Quinn noted: "Even though in artistic terms it seems to be abstract, in fact it is the most realistic portrait in the Portrait Gallery. It carries the actual instructions that led to the creation of John. It is a portrait of his parents, and every ancestor he ever had back to the beginning of life in the Universe."

It's not everyday I get to agree with a man who once made a cast of his head out of six pints of his own frozen blood, but Quinn is spot on here. To put the above in my own words, what makes this piece so attractive to me is that while this is apparently one of the most abstract portraits ever created, no more an unchanging image of a sitter could have been made. Conventional portraits capture a moment in time, and even the best of them carry an air of forced artificiality. Sitters age even as their image is being painted, photographed or sculpted and there is nothing natural about posing. Even a candid portrait falls foul of the theory of superposition (the famous Schrödinger's cat illustration of "the observer's paradox") which states that in the very act of being observed, the observed object is in some way altered. What Quinn has given us is a portrait of the very nature of Sulston; the code that carries all that made and directed the growth and actions his ancestors, his present, his future, and his heirs.

For our scientific age, it really is a version of this:


For those who argue that there can be no transcendent spirituality without acknowledging a god or etheral other, I humbly offer Sir John Sulston: A Genomic Portrait as evidence of the miraculous nature of biochemistry. As a wellspring of life, it is just so infinitely more breathtaking than any capricious creation of bronze age superstition seated atop a cloud could ever be.

(Others in the painting series: #1, #2, #3, #4, and #5)

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

For Some Strange Reason....

....This news makes me sad:

Experts make flatulence-free bean



"Despite the obvious social concerns, there is no physiological harm from the flatulence caused by eating beans" Dr Frankie Phillips, British Dietetic Association.

Fear not little bruvva, they will neve de-fart the brussels sprout, not on my watch.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Letter to the Editor

I was leafing through some old local newspapers at work a couple of weeks ago when I read something on the letters page that caught my eye. Some toe-the-line Republican had written a factually bogus letter (nothing to do with his opinions but his misuse of hard facts) about various shennanigans in Iraq as a rebuttal to an earlier letter sent in by someone from the MoveOn wing of the Democratic Party. Yippee! I thought; This seems like my kind of fight!, so I wrote a rebuttal of the rebuttal and sent it along. Alas, it seems that the news cycle had passed by the time I got my missive in and it never made it to print (I did sent it two weeks after the Republican's letter, so..) or maybe it was so insufferably pompous the editor took one look at it and threw it in the trash. Either way, I think it is too good a letter to waste, so I'm going to reproduce it below. I only regret not keeping a copy of the original letter that sparked me off.

"To the editor,

In the April 1 edition of the Courier Gazette a letter from Dale L Sr of Camden sought to disprove assertions by an earlier correspondent concerning the use of white phosphrous during the recent campaign for the Iraqi city of Fallujah. Mr. L stated that he couldn't "find any mainline news articles that either claimed or verified" this statement.

A google search for the words "white phosphrous+Fallujah" returned 156,000 results in 0.25 seconds. Relevant stories from many august outlets, including the BBC, the London Independent, the Christian Science Monitor, ABC News, the Boston Globe, the London Times, and National Public Radio appeared in the first three pages of the search results. Furthermore, the BBC reported the following on November 16th, 2005:

'US troops used white phosphorus as a weapon in last year's offensive in the Iraqi city of Falluja, the US has said. "It was used as an incendiary weapon against enemy combatants," (US Army) spokesman Lt Col Barry Venable told the BBC.'

Then again, the US Army could well be lying to spite Mr. L, and surely the BBC cannot be considered "mainline news", can it? I mean, its foreign, for one thing.

To Mr. L's second point, regarding the imminent announcement that WMD were indeed stockpiled by the Hussein regime and have been cunningly stowed away, their location only to be revealed by painstaking translation of stacks of Arabic documents (like a middle eastern version of "The Da Vinci Code" apparently) I bet that the US inspection teams established post-war by the Bush Administration and lead by Charles Duelfer wish someone had told them that the hunt was still ongoing, as they stopped looking for weapons and declared the search over in April 2005.

The title you gave to Mr. L's letter was "lies or mistakes?". I would not accuse Mr. L of either but rather of wishful thinking. And regardless of what one feels about the rights and wrongs behind the war, surely isn't it wishful thinking- running in a thread from Mr. Bush's boosters to the Oval Office itself- that has caused this mission to be so beset with mistakes and failures?

Sincerely, etc...."

Monday, April 24, 2006

Weasel's Brush With The Muckedy Mucks

I don't think I've ever written about my job except to illustrate points about philanthropy and volunteerism. Partly it might be the name of the organization I work for: Outhlink with a "y" at the front and an "s" at the end (confound these anti-google counter-measures) sounds terribly like a mobile youth ministry to my ears and I can't escape the image of yours truly dressed as a trendy vicar handing out "Jesus is Rad!" stickers. Also, its probably because I actually like my job, do something realtively uncontroversial, and find little drama in the world of fundraising, policy, and statistical analysis. Besides, I don't think my politics and rants have any place in my studiously neutral professional life and I would hate to see the two conflated.

If I may blow my organization's own trumpet for a bit, we have had a pretty good fiancial year around external recognition of our volunteer programs for teenagers. In September we were awarded the ME Community Foundation's Noyce Award for Non-Profit Excellence and in February we picked up our local Rockland-Thomaston Community Service Award. Today we travelled up to the State Capitol in Augusta to pick up the third coronet for our triple crown, the Governor's Service Award. I obviously didn't work at YL when we became one of Bush I's "Points of Light" so this has been a pretty good year professionally for me personally as part of the team that hauled in the silverware.

Anyway, I am getting into the habit of toting around the digital camera and so here's Weasel and some of his colleagues grooving around in the Maine State Capitol's Hall o'Flags:

Given M's outfit, this was the only place en route we could realistically stop for coffee.

The house that logging built.

An ill-lit portrait of Margaret Chase Smith in an ill-lit State House. It really looks less like a mighty hall of goverment and more like a grange hall illuminated with 40 watt bulbs inside.

From the Hall of Flags; the 10th Maine Infantry, from the Civil War. I couldn't find the flag of the famous 20th, who (out of bullets) saved the union at Gettysburg by bayonet charging the Alabama Regiment from the slopes of Little Round Top: perhaps it was in the wash.

Colleagues M and A react with awe at the raw power contained in the state capitol. Both regretted not making an outfit coordination call before we left.

I don't make a habit of taking photos in bathrooms, honestly.

Having your own coffee is real power.

Governor John Baldacci is trained to turn towards any flash indicator light. I wonder if he remembers when I called him "Bela Lugosi" from the stage of the Bar Harbor Film Festival.

We should spend more on collateral materials, I suppose. But it doesn't pay to be too slick in Maine.


So a couple of handshakes and a quick exchange of pleasantries with the Gov; a bit of circulation with others in my field; and free mini-muffins. Not a bad morning, all told.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Cousin Jim Shall henceforth Be Called "Kip the Kenyan".

The beard went during training in the interests of aerodynamics

Congratulations and a soothing foot bath to my cousin Jim upon the completion of his second London Marathon in the very respectable time of 3 hours, 38 minutes, and 26 seconds. If was the same Jim B*******n who ran in the 2003 London Marathon , it appears that he has become faster as he has grown older. Not only that, he also finished 1,873 places higher this time around too.

Seeing as the only running I do is when the ice cream man has failed to stop on my block (and I only stretch to get beer off the bottom shelf of the fridge), I tip my hat to you cuz and stand in awe. Well done, man.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Royalty Friday: Happy Birthday....


...Your majesty; you scrofulous, in-bred, un-elected, parasitic, hypocritical, greedy, contemptible German interloper, you.

God save the queen
She ain't no human being
There is no future
In England's dreaming

No chance of a knighthood then, I suppose?

If you'll excuse the anachronistic religious references, here's what Norfolk boy Tom Paine had to say on the matter a while back:

"In England a king hath little more to do than to make war and give away places; which in plain terms, is to impoverish the nation and set it together by the ears. A pretty business indeed for a man to be allowed eight hundred thousand sterling a year for, and worshipped into the bargain! Of more worth is one honest man to society and in the sight of God, than all the crowned ruffians that every lived."

This Is Not A Baseball Blog 12a

RPS, proprietor of the Pine Tree Curtain and frequent contributor to a raft of magazines (including recently a Maine true crime spy caper from WW2), is what the Mods of old would have called an "Ace Face". We have been pals a long time, ever since he came into my old office in the basement of the Bar Harbor Town Hall and told me that it used to be his space and that it also used to house the urinals when the building was a high school. I am still always greatly touched by his thoughtful gestures of kindness, not least this week when he made one of my recent wishes come true and made me my own Popeye Youkilis:

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

A Challenge!

Country Mouse has many mint baseball cards and they ain't going anywhere soon. Especially after she learned that her pre-adolecent "investment" (very heavy in the Dwight Evans category) retails on the used market at about a dime a card. Anyone interested in a Topps 1987 Jim Fregosi manager card?


I'm a relative neophyte when it comes to baseball. Growing up in England I had little exposure to the game, prefering cricket when opting for a summer sport with its own arcane language that ate up lots of idle spectator time. I fully blame the England/West Indies 1991 Test Series for my less than spectacular performance in my A Level high school exit exams. In the halcyon days of my youth, the chance to listen to Graham Gooch do battle with Curtly Ambrose trumped scoring highly on my classics final. I could always retake the exams; the test series would never be repeated in exact form.

My father had occasion every now and then to travel to the United States on business and he would bring back various baseball related goodies; a Mets jersey in 1986 (how I wish I still had that to offer to Listmaker et al), a replica Brooklyn Dodgers pennant, and most dammingly a New York Yankees cap. I cannot deny the latter's existence, as photographic evidence of me wearing it (innocent of the implications) sits off in a shoe box to my left as I sit here typing. I also recieved an Atlanta Thrashers beer stein and an aligator wrestling t-shirt, but this post is not about hockey or the Redneck Olympics.

After I moved to the United States in 1995 (in the pre- mass internet age) I lost touch with much British sport and had to find something to fill the gap. My first adoption was American football, as Maine winters are long and conversation topics among men thin on the ground when the mercury plummets and daylight grows scarce. However, as my summers became less filled with partying and work as I aged, baseball cast its agreeable spell on me. After a decade in the States it is far and away my favorite excuse to flick on the radio, slap on some bug dope, and fart about in the perennial beds.

Furthermore, the until-recently hopeless passion of Red Sox nation held an instant attraction to me, not just because I happened to live in New England. As a Norwich City FC fan and an England supporter, I could really only be happy with a team whose entire ethos was based around attempts to capture glory last experienced way back in the mists of time. Actually, scratch that as regards Norwich, as in 104 years "glory" has never been objectively used by outside observers to ever describe any of the club's achievements. But you get the point.

And speaking of the point, I seem to remember mentioning a challenge somewhere above, about four days ago. Yankee fan and fellow blogstronaut Bill Norris, over at Notes From A Former New Yorker has thrown down the gauntlet for the first Sox/Yanks battle of the regular season:

"...on May 1, my beloved New York Yankees will be traveling to the heart of Red Sox Nation for the first time this year. It is a dark place, full of men who fight while wearing masks and others who take their aggression out on very old men (As opposed to hapless groundskeepers: Weasel's note), but I fully expect the Yankees to come away victorious despite their uneven start to this year's season.

So, I propose some sort of bet, to be played out here and in his own pages. Not anything of monetary consequence, as I am poor and he's soon to be betrothed, but rather something visual, to be blogged, a picture perhaps, of Wisdom sporting an "I Heart Jeter" shirt should the Yankees win the series and something equally mortifying to me in these pages should the unthinkable happen and the Red Sox win.

Then, as the season progresses, we can continue this, in the spirit of good natured ribbing and mutual mortification. I'm willing to take suggestions on the terms, keeping in mind that the embarrassing gesture need be: a) cheap, b) easily blogged and c) funny.

What say you Weasel?"


Weasel says yes. Oh yes.

What I need now is help with suggestions for appropriate gestures of mortification to be performed by Bill when I inevitably win. Dressing like a member of the Mighty, Mighty Bosstones for a day? Wearing his hair like Manny? Every time he goes to make any physical movement he has to mutter a prayer, look skyward, and kiss a crucifix a la Curt Schilling? Draw a tiny moustache on his sternum, draw eyes around his nipples, and tell everybody that his chest is an exact replica of Gary Sheffield's juiced-up head? Help, please....

Caption Contest

If you feel so inclined you are more than welcome to enter a caption in the comments. My entry has been dominating my thoughts since I saw the picture:

Dumb Bunny.

Friday, April 14, 2006

This Is Not A Baseball Blog 12

First, the winning spam message header this week from my inbox is:

Mortify Livestock

A farmer is within his rights to shoot you or your dog for that. "Hate yew tuh doutt duntyuh, but he were mortifyin' the loivestuck, wunt'e." Mortify Livestock: sounds like a lawyer from a Dickens' novel.

Second, I saw the following headline on the BBC website this afternoon: "Therapy and kittens fail to move trapped cat." I'm glad I'm not a single man; the words "therapy" and "kittens" mentioned over a restaurant table, say, rather than in the strict context of rescuing a trapped feline, should probably indicate to a fellow that the date should be concluded as rapidly as possible. And concluded as in making excuses and leaving as opposed to consumating. Consumation on such a date always leads to restraining orders and having to grow a moustache for a disguise.

Finally, as the title suggests, a baseball lookylikey. It's hard to find a face-on picture of the Red Sox's Kevin Youkilis at bat but take it from me, from the front the likeness is uncanny:

Popeye

Youkilis

Thursday, April 13, 2006

"You don't crucify people! Not on Good Friday!"

Casino Manager: It was a good night. Nothing unusual.
Harold: "Nothing unusual," he says! Eric's been blown to smithereens, Colin's been carved up, and I've got a bomb in me casino, and you say nothing unusual?


Those of you not of a religious bent but wanting to watch something seasonal on DVD (and therefore avoid all images of Charlton Heston or Robert Powell) I suggest The Long Good Friday. You can't beat a good gangster flick to block out the great whooshing sound of millions of the credulous condeming us to another year in the thrall of susperstition.

For those of you with more knee bending, palm clasping sensibilities, I humbly reproduce the following prophesy:

"There shall in that time be rumors of things going astray, erm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things with the sort of raffia-work base, that has an attachment. At that time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight O'clock."

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

I Don't Even Have One For Calling People


This was sent to me today by a market research company. It is a screenshot from a potential cellphone video game called Paris Hilton: Glittering Inane Slapper or similar. My first instinct was to fire the curmudgeon torpedoes at them, yelling that this sort of thing marks the end of civilization, is responsible for anorexia, and destroys realistic economic expectations but instead I thought I'd screw with them so I replied that I thought it was a brilliant idea. In fact, I said, the best idea since Edward Jenner decided to inject 10 year old boys with cowpox.

I love how a Paris Hilton avatar suggesting that "we are thinking alike" is supposed to be a positive thing. Personally, if I ever heard that sentence out of her mouth I'd jump off a cliff.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

A Blinding Flash of The Obvious

I've always been conflicted about just how thick George W. Bush is. Sure, he obviously isn't the most literate or intelligible of presidents, and much of his foriegn policy seems like a dangerous joke. However, under his watch his peers have undoubtedly maintained their grip on America's assets and many have grown much wealthier while having to pay much less in taxes, wages, and social contributions. At the same time, it has grown harder for the less fortunate to make their way out of poverty.

By his own standards, he must think he is doing a pretty good job. So why does the "idiot" tag persist, and why does it barely raise more than a whimper from even his most rabid boosters?

An object lesson perhaps from his ideological opposite, Hugo Chavez of Venuzuela (from this month's Atlantic):

"..On his TV show, he (Chavez) might pick up a carrot and call it a beet. His opponents will begin laughing at him: 'What an idiot! He can't even distinguish a carrot from a beet!' But after the show I guarantee that Chavez will be the one laughing. He'll think to himself, I can't believe I fooled them into talking about carrots and beets all week."

I Fall For It Every Time

I was taking advantage of the fab BBC online radio service this afternoon, listening to the news and so on, when I saw that they had an archived broadcast of Arnold Wesker's Roots up on the site in honour of the 50th anniversary of the Royal Court Theatre.

For those of you unfamiliar with the play, Roots tells the story of a Norfolk woman returning from her new life in London for a visit with her fearful and yokel-y family and the attendant strife and chaos her reappearance inflicts on all concerned. I had to read the play in school, enjoyed it, and have fond if hazy memories of it (especially in the light of looking back on family history, friends moving away from Norfolk to the bright lights, and also the universal experience of leaving behind regional/generational/educational baselines as one ages). Jolly good, wouldn't be a bad way of passing an afternoon which workwise would mostly involve light reading and a few emails, so on with the production, radio players!

I lasted five minutes before the attempts at Norfolk accents by the cast drove me away.

So in an impassioned open plea to any actors who happen to be passing: STOP IT! PLEASE! JUST STOP IT! If you were a plumber and you did such a half-arsed job on one of your core trade functions, I'd be within my rights to sue you. As pipe-grouting is to plumbers, so accents are to actors. Get it right or piss off, you vain preening talking meat sticks.

Thank you.

Modern Norfolk (above)...

And how actors see it

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Not At All Related to History Friday

I was wandering the blogosphere last night and I came across this rather fun idea on Scottish fellow orangutan Dr. Vee's blog (he in turn nabbed it from some bloke called Nick Barlow). No doubt this orignated in Scotland as a way to pass the time in one's dead swan fallout shelter, but if fulfills two criteria for me, the "I did not know that" factor and mild egotism quotient (although some of this I did know, as my friend RPS has an excellent system of telling you things that happened on your birthday. If he were a car salesman he'd win the steak knives for sure).

"Go to Wikipedia. Type in your birth date (but not year). List three events that happened on your birthday. List two important birthdays and one interesting death."

21st June:
Events:
1859 - Italian Independence wars: Battle of Solférino is fought. Witnessed by Henri Dunant, the results were the Geneva Conventions and the Red Cross.
1982 - John Hinckley is found not guilty by reason of insanity for the attempted assassination of U.S. President Ronald Reagan.
2004 - SpaceShipOne becomes the first privately funded spaceplane to achieve spaceflight.

Birthdays:
1905 - Jean-Paul Sartre, French philosopher and writer, Nobel Prize laureate (declined)
1944 - Ray Davies, English musician

Death (3 deaths, same event):
1964 - Andrew Goodman, American civil rights activist
1964 - James Chaney, American civil rights activist
1964 - Michael Schwerner, American civil rights activist

And one more thing for s&g, it is also the National Day of Greenland.

In other news, Listmaker's Baseball Diaries are back! And this year, rather than waiting until October for a nostalgic tour de force look back at the season, Obi Wan Menschnobi promises to update on an almost real time basis. Next year it will be laptops and wifi at Shea.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

And The Winner Is....


Bill Norris! Here's the proof:Numbersixvalverde wins National.

Weasel's Little Bruva, a blog nickname that sounds like a National horse by itself, would have joined Bill in standing drinks for everyone. Alas, his ethics wouldn't allow him to back the same horse in his work pool and here, so it will have to remain a moral victory. Proof however, that one of us inherited the turf accountant gene of my Granddad Perce, ace tipster and betting man.

Out of forty starters,only nine horses finished the race so most of us were out of luck. But the record, the rest of our picks finished thusly:

2. Hedgehunter (Mondale)
7. Joe's Edge (Joe's Sea Blog)
Refused the 27th fence: Native Upmanship (Joe's Sea Blog)
Pulled up at the 18th fence: Shotgun Willy (Country Mouse)
Pulled up at the 17th fence: Iris Royal (Weasel)
Fell at the 15th fence: Silver Birch (Country Mouse)
Unseated rider at the 8th fence: Le Duc (Weasel's Little Bruva)
Fell at the 1st fence: Royal Auclair (Weasel)

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner!


Grand National time again! This time last year, I wrote:
"(You should) pick your horse using the tried and tested "Oooh I like the jockey's colours" method... Although also the choice of the BBC's top racing tipster, I'm going for Forest Gunner because my paternal grandfather was an artilleryman from the edge of Epping Forest in East London (see how this works?). My second, outsider, no-hope, I'll put a quid on it for a laugh horse is the 100-1 shot Europa, because the jockey will be wearing yellow and green, the same as Norwich City FC."

You can choose your horse for this year's race here. My personal rules state that I can't go for the same horse two years in a row. Therefore, despite the presence of Forest Gunner at 40-1, my picks for the 2006 Grand National are:

Number 1 horse: ROYAL AUCLAIR (16-1). Last year's runner-up, the jockey rides in yellow and green (see above).

Rank outsider horse: IRIS ROYAL (50-1). It may look like I'm hedging after picking a "ton for a one" nag last year, but Iris is the name of our friends Med School Mama and Syrupy Troy's daughter.

I strongly urge you follow my advice; after all, its not everyone who today was presented with a box of odd computer accessories by the office supplies salesman for winning the "can you find where things are in the office supplies catalog and fax us your answers" contest. I may not have made it on Jeopardy, but there is nobody finer in the State o' Maine at finding on what page break room biscotti can be found.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

This is Not a Baseball Blog 11

First, thanks to everyone who stopped by to pass on kind and caring thoughts about Bailey; both Country Mouse and I truly appreciate it.

Spring of course is a time of new beginings, and for me that means the competing sensations of excitement and slipping on a pair of old comfortable slippers that accompany opening day of the Major League baseball season. As trite as it might seem, this year I've been truly grateful for the distraction baseball offers (Bailey's obituary was written to the accompaniment of Joe and Jerry yammering away in Texas on the WEEI Red Sox network). Along with listening to the Sox on the radio I've been enjoying reading various accounts and musings on opening day. Here's a couple from my blogpatriots (both published authors and it shows), one a Red Sox fan and one the politest Yankee fan on the planet (I suspect a plot):

Write in Maine: The Hope of Opening Day

Notes From a Former New Yorker: Play Ball

Also, this season's begining has been made infinitely richer by the reasoned opinons and statistical nous of Joe over at the SeaBlog: Red Sox Projections. He's also your one stop shop for Portland Sea Dogs info too.

No word yet from any of the denizens of Planet Met but I'm sure the scribes of Shea will start pounding it out soon. Still, if you need a refresher as to how obsessed the blog contingent who wear the decent shade of NY blue are, revisit 2005 at Danny Baseball.

And finally, because it wouldn't be a Weasel baseball post without a spurious switched-name lookylikey, here's the inaugrual "This Is Not a Baseball Blog" of 2006. Presenting Randy "Chicken Man" Johnson of the New York Y*****s:

Big Unit

Big Eunuch

Its all in the moustache and the surly gaze.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Bailey. June 3 1993 to April 3 2006.

Bailey in Las Vegas, April 2001

Bailey, the schipperke who was the constant companion of Country Mouse since her 16th birthday, went to sleep for the last time today at about noon. He was 12 years old.

Born on a schipperke farm in Saratoga Springs, New York, Bailey came to the Davis family as a birthday present for a boat-obsessed teenager in July 1993. Schipperkes, being originally bred as barge dogs, are considered ideal sidekicks for yachties as they are alleged to have no desire to get in the water and thus will stay safely on the vessel. Bailey proved this canard wrong on multiple occasions, both by making the deliberate choice to go for a swim and also by displaying more confidence than sure-footedness while traversing the decks and gunwhales of numerous small craft. These vessels were all pleasure craft rather than working boats as the dream of the open seas proved to be a transitory stage of adolecence. No matter, as Bailey adjusted to life as dry-docked sailor with admirable ease and self-confidence.

From early on in his life Bailey heeded the call of the open road. Between joining Country Mouse's father for a sabbatical in California while CM was traveling with the Audubon Expedition Institute and accompanying CM and Weasel on their 2001 grand tour, Bailey clocked up over 25,000 miles of long distance travel. He crossed east to west, west to east, and went around much of the outside edge of the United States. A fan of the classic sites of America, Bailey visited the south rim of the Grand Canyon, Niagra Falls, New Orleans, Cape Cod National Seashore, Savannah, Charleston, Las Vegas, Sedona, and the giant trees of Northern California, along with other smaller and less famous towns and hamlets. He always traveled well, although he gave the impression that he didn't much care for Nebraska.

Bailey, being underwhelmed by Nebraska.

Famously adaptable after making a big production of initial disgruntlement, Bailey moved house fairly often, if only for a temporary secondment to CM's mother or father while she completed her college education. Wherever Bailey lived, with or without CM and with or without other fauna, he was a master of imposing his personality on the household. After only a short while dogs and cats (and from 1999 onwards the boyfriend/fiance) with a greater claim to tenure would yield to his intrinsic unreasonableness and his Napoleon complex and in the interests of a quiet life would allow him to rule the roost. Since 2002 Bailey called mid-coast Maine home. He took particular pleasure in the proximity the fire station to his last home in Rockland as all the exciting sirens echoing out of the vehicle bays easily met his criteria for joy. While lacking the length of throat to generate a full-on howl, Bailey passed many a happy minute crooning along with the emergency services as they rushed to the aid of others.

Many dogs display a sincere earnestness that has rightly earned the animal the title of "man's best friend". Bailey was more suspicious of this canine attitude than many dogs, and prefered to adopt a gallic approach to life more in line with his Belgian ancestry. Notoriously disinclined to respond to requests that he stick around, come, sit, get off the bed, quit begging, not roll in dead things, or not eat mud, Bailey excelled at living his own life on his own terms. Attempts by anyone upon a first meeting to get Bailey to fetch something, shake, or perform any actions other than showing his teeth or briefly dancing like a bear would be met with a glance of withering contempt. Bailey was a brass tacks kind of dog; that biscuit in your hand was going to end up in his belly regardless and so he prefered that any tomfoolery be kept to a minimum and that the snack should be swiftly delivered. He disliked fastidious cooks who kept all the dinner ingredients off the floor, and felt that human beings who opened cupboard doors but failed to produce a can of tuna for him were charlatans and teases. Occasionally he would take matters of gastronomy into his own paws, such as during a 2003 dinner party during which he stealthily ascended the dining room table and polished off a scallop casserole before being spotted by a horrified guest. As Country Mouse remarked at the time, it is an arresting sight to see a dog gorging himself while standing in your dinner.

Much like those among us who enjoy an occasional fine cigar but find that modern mores frown upon us conducting our habit indoors, Bailey could occasionally be found in the garden enjoying a special "cat stogie". Although he probably understood that these treats bore nothing but ill-will for his digestion he became adept at rapid consumption of these illicit treasures even as those around him tired to intervene.

Whil he may have been an unpleasant eater (generating sounds unheard outside the 10th circle of hell while crouched over a bowl of kibble) Bailey redeemed himself in many other areas. A kitchen floor was never dirty in his presence, nor a seat ever cold. No ill-willed stranger could have ever approached his family, nor any threat be allowed to go unchallenged. While short of stature and slight of frame Bailey had the heart of a lion stuffed under his tiny ribcage. His most famous display of conspicous bravery came when he ran off a bear in California but he also showed a quiet tenacity when faced with life's troubles. Run over by a utility truck early in his life, Bailey rallied through seemingly endless surgeries and vet's visits. After his recovery there was nothing to indicate that he had come within a whisker of death and that he was held together internally by staples and pins. For many years after his final operation his only speed off the leash was a full gallop; albeit with a peculiar centrifugal shimmy that was more a result of his short legs and cylindrical body than of any medical intervention. After his near-miss Bailey appeared to embody Dylan Thomas's most famous stanza, Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Despite his innate courage, Bailey did indulge himself with some existential fears. Thunder would freeze him to the spot, even if the spot happened to be under the only tree on the tallest mountain for miles, and the buzzing of a fly would cause him to flee a room. Pehaps flies presented a special and real challenge for him, as he was born without a tail.

As Bailey's muzzle grew greyer he began to slow down a little but prior to the late spring of 2005 there was little to indicate that he would not enjoy a long pleasantly grumpy dotage. Around this time however Bailey began to show discomfort whenever his collar was slipped on in preparation for a walk. A visit to the vet last June revealed that Bailey was in the mid-stages of lymphoma, a form of cancer that attacks the lymph nodes. Apart from a little tenderness in his neck and some swelling of his nodes, Bailey did not appear to be in any discomfort and after an in-depth discussion with his vet it was decided that surgical or chemical intervention would cause more suffering than good. For the best part of a year after his diagnosis Bailey continued to live his life as always without displaying any signs of pain or disability.

In February of this year the usually sure-footed Bailey fell while trying to climb the stairs; a few days later he fell off the bed and landed on his neck. By this time his nodes had become noticably enlarged and his rear feet had begun to bother him badly. A trip to the vet resulted in a prescription to ease the swelling and also a realization that the end would be sooner rather than later. Bailey's body continued to fight but slowly his systems began to fail him. Old age and disease had finally caught up with him and the crisis arrived. After a trying two weeks of accelerating decline and much soul searching, Bailey took his final drive to Camden and the vet this morning. He died in the arms of Country Mouse, gently drifting off to sleep as she stoked his ears. He was a good boy even when he was being bad, and his storied bravery was on display right through the end.

Bailey sits proudly, having discovered the Grand Canyon. Or at least that's what he thought- we never had the heart to tell him otherwise
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