Monday, April 25, 2005

Secret Instigator of Chaos

From the 'Orrible 'Erald, Boston's least appealing fish-wrap:

"ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. - As far as David Ortiz is concerned, fiery Tampa Bay Devil Rays manager Lou Piniella was responsible for the pair of benches-clearing incidents and the six ensuing ejections yesterday at Tropicana Field due to the poor behavioral example he sets for his young team. (Ortiz calls out Piniella as culprit...)"

David, David, David. How naive can you be? I know they brought Edgar Renteria onto the team to hand feed you apple sauce (did anyone else see that freakish dugout moment?) much like great racing stallions are calmed by having a goat sleep in the stall with them, but don't let that distract you from the true culprit. David, it was the most evil man in baseball, the septegenarian Eric Cartman, the inscurutable frog faced former Red Sox hero turned hired gun for whoever needs a bench counterweight.

Don Zimmer is the reason the Red Sox wind up in brawls. CURSE YOU, ZIM! DAOWWWW!
 Posted by Hello

Zimmer provoking Red Sox ire by chewing on one of Ted Williams' frozen turds


Listmaker said...

renteria was feeding ortiz applesauce? what?

has anyone notified handwashings? he might be able to recommend some good applesauce to the sox - he's a big fan of applesauce.

weasel said...

Everytime he gave him a spoonful of applesauce (or pudding perhaps?) Papi did push ups. it was very strange.

jamie said...

i saw it. feeding, push-ups, then one of those stylized handshakes. i have no idea what to make of it other than to wonder if after going from "Cowboys" to "Idiots" they're headed further down the scale to "Infants".

weasel said...

I just wish Yaphet Kotto was younger so that he could play Ortiz in the bio-pic. Mind you, Tommy Lee Jones played Ty Cobb when he was 500 years old, so maybe.
Has anyone seen footage of the blubbery streaker from last nights Sox/Orioles game? NESN didn't show it but Jerry Remy kept up a running comentary about the guy's weight. My money is on an inebriated David Wells hobbling about on an ankle full of cortisone.