Thursday, June 29, 2006

"Do not put a picture of a parrot on your flag! (This goes for you too, Guatamala!)"

According to the meticulous criteria of New Zealand philosopher Josh Parsons, this is the worst flag in the world. Congratulations, Northern Marianas Islands!

Far be it for me to accuse others of being procrastinators or of having too much time on their hands, but I stumbled across this most excellent website via Dr Vee today called:

The world's flags given letter grades


It does what it says on the can, and then some. I highly recommend a visit.

Also, if you are in the mood for more nationalism debunked, the normally annoying Frank Deford of Sports Illustrated has a good sound essay on the overuse of national anthems at sporting events here.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Quote of the Tournament?

"There’s a real international flavour to this World Cup"

Jimmy Arnfield, BBC Radio 5 Live

Even Child Zombies Deserve An Education

I was scanning the BBC World Cup photos on my lunchbreak today when I came across a very disturbing photograph. I work with adolescents and have seen some incredibly odd looking children in my time, but nothing prepared me for this. I was so taken aback I had to email Country Mouse:

"Can you tell me what is wrong with this kid???? There is no explanation in the photo caption. It just says: "Children from north London's Moss Hall School watch England's 1-0 win over Ecuador on a big screen at their summer fair"

I hope any kid we have doesn't end up looking like a mentally ill caveman with a skin disorder.

Love, Weasel"


Country Mouse, alas, was only able to confirm that the picture of the child was indeed "f-ed up" and was unable to offer any deeper diagnosis. So its up to you. Answers below please, for the great Wisdom Weasel "What The Hell Is Wrong With This Bizarre Child In The Lower left Hand Corner" contest:

Monday, June 26, 2006

This Is Not A World Cup Blog

No match report from me on the England/Ecuador game yesterday, not even comment on Beckham's continual puking on the pitch: the BBC has all that for you. Instead, and with apologies to either Luke or Josh who first voiced the similarity from the couch behind me yesterday at England HQ (Midcoast), here's another round of the wildly popular lookylikey series, "This is not a xxxxx Blog":

Ecuador coach Luis Fernando Suarez

TV's Ian McShane, during his "Lovejoy" years


Finally, a fond pictorial look back at the joy that was the Portugal versus Holland yesterday. Some people cleverer than me might be able to work out what the various colours and positions of the cards mean in semaphore. Its not for me to criticise this ref though; I'll never have a bad thing to say about officials from the former Soviet Union.

How Quickly We Forget...



With all the fuss about Maxi Rodriguez's goal for Argentina against Mexico on Saturday, the other wonder-goal of the tournament seems to have been forgotten. I just thought I'd put a marker down, in case the usual cliches about South American style and Northern European slog start to whirl with ever greater frequency...

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Never Mind Who God Hates, I Hate Fred Phelps

"And that my child is how you disposess that spawn of Satan Henrik Larsson"

In my preparations for England's final group game against Sweden this afternoon, I came across this nugget of lunacy from everyone's favorite funeral protester, Fred Phelps:

God Hates Sweden

I can see God getting irked at the satanic conspiracy that is Ikea self-assembly furniture, but hating Sweden? How can anyone hate Sweden? Its such a damn reasonable place.

Hating Sweden is like hating pillows. I'll have no part of it. I do hope we kick the ever-loving snot out of them this afternoon though.

Jesus appeals against being ruled offside.


UPDATE AT 4:54pm EST- I still don't hate Sweden, but after 93 minutes of quiet reflection (plus a banana and a cuppa at half time) I might have to hate one Swede in particular. Nice job with the selection, Sven, you perpetually horny Scandinavian fraudulent mercenary with shit glasses, you.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Meanwhile, In The Real World...

"I appreciate you stopping by Mr. Bush, but you could have given me enough warning so I would have had time to get one of those Abu Ghraib hoods on to obscure my face for the cameras"

I came up with a really good headline concerning the debate in the American Episcopal church over the consecration of gay bishops: "An Inconvenient Poof". However, upon reflection I sadly won't be using it as a) I don't really give a fig about schisms in the Episcopal church and b) the arch tone of irony I was reaching for probably wouldn't come across and people might get mad at me. If there is one thing I have learned in my shortish life it is there is no end to any number of peoples' ability not to get the joke. Ho hum.

So onto other things I've been neglecting while obsessed with the World Cup. Last week President Bush made a sneak visit to Iraq, giving Iraqi president Nuri al-Maliki just 5 minutes notice of his impending arrival, and then posing for photo ops with Mr. al-Maliki in front of the assembled international press corps.

Back in the second term of my first year at boarding school, we had one lad in the dorm who had been struggling since the first day of school to fit in with the rest of us. Teenage boys can be very cruel, but after a torrid time of it at first the signs were that this chap would at the very least allowed to quietly integrate into the dorm. Then on the first day of that second term this boy's elderly father showed up, clad in plaid trews and a bobble golf hat. After some painful attempts to pal up to the rest of us he then tried to fit a headboard to his son's bed, banged his head on the wall, and toppled over onto the mattress. The poor lad's fate was sealed from that point on. Was it fair? No. Was a future of ostacism and teenaged cruelty ordained from that point on? Sadly so.

This story came to mind while I was reading this week's Economist. Commenting on Mr. Bush's visit to Mr. al-Maliki, the paper notes:

"But in some ways the president still doesn't get it. Take something that went down well in America—Mr Bush's surprise call this week on the new prime minister of Iraq. Nuri al-Maliki had been building up the elected government's credibility by putting a careful distance between himself and the Americans. The last thing he needs is to look like the superpower's stooge. But he seems to have been given no advance notice of the visit. After Mr Bush was choppered into Baghdad, a bemused Mr Maliki was obliged to stand squirming alongside his beaming visitor, as pictures of president and stooge were flashed unhelpfully to Muslims in Iraq and around the world. It is sometimes bad manners to drop in uninvited"

After reading this tonight, I started wondering about the case of the two members of the 101st Airborne, kidnapped Saturday by insurgents from their checkpoint south of Baghdad. Over 8,000 troops, predator drones, and attack helicopters have been deployed to search for the two men. Leaving aside the impact on military operations of redirecting roughly two brigades from their normal operations to look for these poor soldiers, and as much as I would hope that the US Government would send an equivalent number to look for me if I were ever grabbed by insurgents with a predilection for mistreating then executing hostages, one has to ask what impression this leaves on ordinary Iraqis who when kidnapped in their own country seem to be left to their fate by both the American and Iraqi authorities. Hundreds of Iraqis have been kidnapped for political reasons or ransom since the US invasion; many have been murdered. But no 8,000 troops for them. What a message that sends.

When domestic politics gets dragged into foreign policy there is always a price to pay; I'm hoping against all previous indicators that the crassness of this search is not compounded by multiple kickings-in of wrong doors, scads of mishandlings of the innocent, and the further shrewd use by the insurgents of the US military's ham-fisted tactics as a recruiting tool.

(Updated 8:40am, 6/20: the missing soldiers were found murdered this morning.)

Friday, June 16, 2006

That Was Annoying.

Yes, yes. No need to go on about it.

BBC: Argentina 6, Serbia & Montenegro 0

Oh, there will be much chest-puffery and joyful man-weeping on the streets of Buenos Aires today. 6 goals really is showing off a bit, isn't it?

No doubt the Serbs will blame NATO, the Kosovars, and pan-Slav backstabbers for this defeat.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Great Big Lanky Streak of Piss....

Just look at Crouchie: he looks like a newborn foal with a spastic colon

BBC: England 2, Trinidad & Tobago 0

England are through to the second round. They didn't half make heavy going of it though. T&T gave truth to the cliche that there are no bad teams in the World Cup these days. Once again, all I can say in defence of Sven's mob is that I can't remember a World Cup without a turgid opening round; rarely is a classic played by any team (perhaps with the exception of Northern Ireland's group winning trifecta in 1982) before the group stages stagger to an end.

It could be worse. I could be Polish or Costa Rican.

I hope the England Supporters' Band belted out the theme from "The Great Escape".

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Damn Their Teutonic Efficiency

I wanted to use this picture, but I'm trying to be good.

Germany beats a 10 man Poland 1-0 at the very last gasp in injury time. Now thanks to World Cup maths, Costa Rica needs to beat Ecuador to hold off Germany's race for the round of 16.

In England news, Wayne Rooney (shown in this picture being hugged by Kevin Keegan) is allegedly match-fit for tomorrow's game against Trinidad and Tobago but there is now doubt about David Beckham's best man Gary Neville. When team doctors heard that Neville had a calf strain, they had to be dissuaded from heading over to his stall with the humane killer to put him down. Get it? You see, Neville sort of looks like a sad pony and... oh, never mind.

Meanwhile, my dream World Cup can be found here. It would be nice to see England lift it, if only so another pair of random teams could wind up on a stamp:

This stamp appears to show Calverton of the Nottinghamshire Senior League vs. the St. Johnstone's Scottish Premier League side of 1997-98.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Love's Got The World In Motion


Running the fastest he did all day, Ronaldo hears the ice cream man driving past the stadium

I'm not sure if this year's world cup is a cracker or a damp squib; "watching" the games via BBC text updates because ESPN was too stingy to stump for the online broadcast rights is ok but it doesn't convey any of the excitement or mood of the games. Due to an early morning meeting I was able to slip home early tonight and catch the second half of Brazil versus Croatia, but the commentary team and camera crew seemed more interested in the flare-chucking high jinks of the Croatian ultras in the stands than the action on the pitch. "You don't see this sort of passion in America" was the parroted refrain, from two commentators who apparently had never seen an Oakland Raiders' game.

If ESPN's passive-aggressive "we don't want to show this effete crap but it was part of the deal that brought the world cup to the US in 94 for Coke and Nike" coverage isn't cutting it for you, there is some interesting jibber jabber on the blogosphere for those you wanting to go a litttle deeper behind the crap "Americans Bounced by Czechs" headlines:

A couple more days and Listmaker will be singing "10 German Bombers" outside wurst shops in Brooklyn;

Maine Jim considers getting deeper into the beautiful game;

Mondale channels Sir Alf Ramsey;

Dr. Vee ponders the economic models of football success as well as game theory and penalties;

And finally, the ever reliable, ever opinionated Can't Stop The Bleeding has a plethora of footie stories, constantly updated. Considering he's a QPR fan he knows a surprising amount about the game.

In non-world cup news, two mad scientists in Buckfield, Maine have managed to recreate the fountains of Las Vegas's Bellagio in their back yard with several bottles of diet coke and some mentoes (link via All Things Maine). When I lived in Buckfield a decade ago the locals would have attempted the same thing with Allen's coffee brandy and slim jims. Oh, how times have changed.

Monday, June 12, 2006

A Brief Pause From Football


I got a meme from Debbie:

1.What has been the best year for you musically? (meaning..lots of great albums...concerts...etc) And tell why it was.

1990: My first Reading Festival (Inspiral Carpets, Pixies, The Cramps, Billy Bragg, The Fall, The Wedding Present, Wire, Nick Cave, and The Buzzcocks, to name a few). Albums I will never part with (or wish that I hadn't) from that year: The Caution Horses, Ritual de lo Habitual, Fear of a Black Planet, Superfuzz Bigmuff, The Internationale, The Las, etc. I think I also really liked the Gay Bikers on Acid's "Cancer Planet Mission" but I can't remember as I got the tape stuck in my last car two days after I bought it (the car, not the tape). I also got to see the Fall and Pop Will Eat Itself at the UEA, and a bunch of tiny but fun bands at the Norwich Arts Centre. Two World Cup football songs as well: "World in Motion" by New Order and "Ciccolina" by Pop Will Eat Itself.

Why was it a good year? I was a teenager with a bit of cash in my pocket.

2.What album evokes the most memories for you?

Erm, if it is memories we are after rather than favorites I have a few; "Love" (The Cult; early teen years), "The Stone Roses" (the Stone Roses; late teen years), "Elastica" (Elastica; "Line Up" was the first song I ever played on the radio), and "The Invisible Band" (Travis; makes me think of Country Mouse).

3.Are there any songs that make you think of something or someone?

I cannot hear "9 to 5" without seeing Country Mouse joyfully getting her groove on.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

It Ain't 'Alf Hot, Mum

We used to know how to battle in the heat.

For all of those who are inclined to pooh-pooh many Britons' obsession with the weather, witness the official reasons why England looked so poor despite winning against Paraguay yesterday:

BBC: England make water plea to Fifa

BBC: We must beat the heat, says Joe Cole

I'm torn: half of me says that if our forebears were able to sieze control of India, the West Indies, and vast chunks of Africa while wearing heavy red serge uniforms and carrying full packs (with additional mutton chop sideburns too) England's professional athletes should be able to manage running about for 90 minutes in hot weather. Then again, as soon as the mercury nudges 75 degrees I personally turn bright puce, sweat like a pervert in a convent school, and have to have a sit down, so I do have some empathy.

Our next game is a night clash with Trinidad and Tobago (ironically colonised by British troops for the crown in hot temperatures); if we fare badly expect to hear excuses about "floodlight allergies" from the England camp.

Oh and Debbie- I haven't forgotten your meme.... given my current world cup obsession, I fear many of the songs can be heard on this show from the BBC: England's World Cup Anthems: a 1 hour special. "We are going to score one more than you...England!" (Not we are going to score one more than you England, but rather we are going to score one more than you, (pause, then get all shouty) ENGLAND!) For those of you allergic to English nationalism, rest easy in knowing that the preceeding show is presented by an Ulsterman.

In other news, there has been a bit of brouhaha in British political circles over how calibrated the Prime Minister's support of England should be, given that he is the premier of the whole British Isles (Northern Ireland, Wales, Scotland, the Isle of Man, and Jersey having failed to qualify for the finals). Luckily, Private Eye has figured out the signals coming out of 10 Downing Street:

Saturday, June 10, 2006

England vs. Paraguay: A Weak Win For The Boys In White

England strike pair Peter Crouch and Michael Owen pose after exiting the team bus...
...and during the anthems

A win is a win, but as is so often the case with their opening games of major tournaments England looked lethargic and overly defensive. The full BBC match report is here.

Still early days and not a time to panic: in 1990 England drew their first two group games and struggled to beat Egypt 1-0 before going on to reach the semis; in 1998 we won two and lost one; and in 2002 we drew two and won one.

Also, Trinidad really helped out; playing a great game to hold the Swedes to a 0-0 draw. England lead Group B; next game Thursday.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Alan Partridge World Cup Countdown

From 1994: the consumate sportscaster revs up for the World Cup...

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Bulletin Board Material

Some Germans, yesterday. Probably going to a funeral or something.

Everytime I begin to feel a little queasy about my internal surge of nationalism that accompanies major sporting events, someone like German World Cup squad goalkeeper Jens Lehmann comes along and says something like the following:

"England have a great team - their best for years - but we have more experience in World Cups. We believe we can do better than England as they've had problems in the past and that's now a mental block. They know how to play well but they do not know how to go through a whole tournament. We have been there and done it. They haven't."

You haven't, Lehmann. By that logic, Jens old boy- through which you claim some sort of mythic ownership of your nation's 3 previous cups ('54, '74, '90)- you should also own up to your part in the invasion of Poland, or for the music of the Goombay Dance Band, or even the truly horrible currywurst I remember eating as a child in Gutersloh circa 1983. And technically, Lehmann, Germany hasn't won ever, as the three victories are credited to the now defunct "West Germany". If the Czech Republic wins anything, do you claim victory on behalf of the Sudentenland, Jens? Thanks to the German number one, I am now officially going into "Super-Brit" mode and will most likely be (more?) unbearable for the next few weeks.

The whole World Cup shebang kicks off of Friday; England wheel into action against Paraguay at 9am EST Saturday on ABC. Roo's foot seems better, the rest of the squad are stomping around purposefully, and I am now officially excited.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

He Lives

Oh my word. What a fantastic past two weeks; first the wedding, then the trip to Pemaquid- all the friends and family, baseball, and unexpected kindnesses made for a memorable time. It is still too early after our return to the world and too late on this particular night to go into much detail, but suffice to say this blog is now reactivated, by order of the management:

We don't care who you know. Don't make us embarrass you in front of your lady friend- move along sir. Respectfully, The Management.


More follows soonest. Normal stuff here, more weddingy things on the re-named Newly-Wed Blog.
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