Excuses are Like....

Wow. Deciding to follow effeminate Anglo-Lebanese pop sensation Mika has really eaten up my free time! What with elbowing my way to the front of the hall during "Big Girls" after spending too much time dithering over which butterfly deely-boppers I should buy at the official deely-bopper stall, it's a wonder I have time to memorize the words to "Grace Kelly"!

Actually the truth is more prosaic: young family, summer, extracurricular demands, visitors, the autumn sports crossover overload and a more elevated role at work have all combined to eat into my blogging time of late. As soon as it starts to get colder and other things calm down I imagine I'll be back with a vengeance.

In the interim here's a lovely performance by the super Boney M. Good things seem to happen when I link to Boney M videos (Scout was born after I linked to "Rasputin") so perhaps by offering this up I'll win the lottery:

Hail Columbia

To the idiots of the right and the idiots of the left who have been raising such a stink (both before and after) about Mahmud Ahmadinejad speaking at Columbia University in New York yesterday, may I offer up my favorite quote of the year originally directed at said Iranian president by Columbia President Lee Bollinger:

"You are either brazenly provocative or astonishingly uneducated.”

The New York Times has extensive coverage of the brouhaha here, but suffice it to say I'm with those who believe that free speech was served yesterday not least because Ahmadinejad proved himself to be a first class buffoon.

Ahmadinejad suggested at Columbia that Iran doesn't have homosexuals. To prove it, here's the Revolutionary Guard looking very butch and not at all poofy

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A busy week- we have been hosting one set of grandparents who are visiting from England- and so I have had to hit snooze on the blog and other writing assignments. The compensations of being able to spend a week gallivanting around Maine in the perfect early autumn weather more than make up for the lack of keyboard time, however. Normal service will be resumed at some point after Monday, but until then there are a few highlight pics up over at the newbie blog if you want to see what we have been up to.

Scout hanging with les Grandparents Anglais #1 and les Grandparents Mainers

A Losing Proposition

I am now deep into the second season of a Boston Red Sox versus New York Yankees mutual humiliation bet with the lovely Bill Norris. William is a displaced Yankees fan; I support the Sox (I am therefore support hose, if you prefer). Whenever one team inflicts a series defeat on the other, a horrible fate awaits the supporter of the losing side.

A couple of weeks ago the Yankees beat the Red Sox, and so I was challenged by Bill to:

"Choose one of the vocal numbers from No, No Nanette....and record an a capella version of the song, with the mp3 file to be posted your blog forthwith.....For those of you who don't know, baseball lore holds that Babe Ruth's move from Boston to New York was partly a result of then Boston owner Harry Frazee's desire to finance the original production of the musical."

Whatever. Fine. With help from technical wizard Canada Dry Mike and the contents of his well-stocked bier keller I was able to sing my heart out while terrifying his pets (thanks Mike: I know you are clutch if I ever need humiliating: John, I could not have stood to have this on video...):

No No Nanette, performed by me


As I type, game three of the last regular season Sox/Yanks meeting is about to begin in Boston (so apologies for any typos, I'm flying through this in order to get downstairs to settle in with a dark and stormy and the flicker). The series is balanced at one a piece- fingers crossed!

Ahh, Good Old Production Line Cooking

From the BBC:

McDonald's fined for bolt in meal
Fast food giant McDonald's has been fined £13,500 after a metal bolt was found in a snack at a West Midlands shopping centre. A customer chewed on the bolt, which was in a sausage and egg McMuffin, at the outlet in Merry Hill in June 2006.

The company pleaded guilty at Dudley Magistrates' Court on Thursday to a charge of producing food which did not meet required standards.

The court heard bolts were missing from a kitchen grill.

Wait for it... but aren't we supposed to get more iron in our diets? Wahey! Boom boom!

Hafeeitoffski

Russia faces a demographic "time bomb": declining birth rates, poor health among its baby boom generation, and emmigration mean that the Bear could lose up to a third of its population by 2050. Therefore in an effort to boost the number of little Ivans running around dosing people with polonium, one Russian governor is offering prizes to anyone who manages to birth a baby Russki on Russia's national day, June 12.

First prize is an SUV. Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired.

So come on lads, get cracking:



And here's one for the ladies:

And That's Supposed to Make Me Rush to The Store?

I know athletes make a lot of money from endorsements, but I still get unreasonably creeped out when I hear at the tart of every Red Sox radio broadcast:

"Just For Men- the hair color Tim Wakefield uses."

The only thing this tells me is that should I begin to go grey I can use the same shade as a be-goateed born-again knuckleballer. Not much of a recommendation.

Although in its defense, its not as creepy as Johnny Pesky's Enzyte endorsement.

Enzyte: for your Pesky pole.

Athletic Distress

The sporting powers-that-be on both sides of the Atlantic screwed me over this weekend. Yesterday the England national teams were in simultaneous action on the rugby, football, and cricket pitches which left me dithering and finally not really following any of the action in a meaningful sense. Then today the Boston Red Sox took on Baltimore (looking to consolidate or even extend their lead over the Yankees after last night's debacle) at the same time the Patriots opened their season against the nefarious Jets (hoping to match the placemarker put down by the Colts on Thursday).

Agggghhhhhhh! You schedulers are killing me!

Idiot Tax

With deepest apologies to Mainelife, the following is for all you Mac head early adopters out there who paid $599 for a phone that 2 months later costs $399 and are now complaining about it:

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!- breath- Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

I can hear you now: "What the? Its cheaper? But that only obeys every law of technology retailing since consumer electronics became popular! Damn it!" All the while you twist uncomfortably in your ironic t-shirt, realizing the core truth that although he plays a fusty PC in the commercials, John Hodgman's character is much more appealing and funny than that 30 something desperately trying to cling to his decade-gone senior year in college who plays the Mac.

Jesus. When are you going to realize that just because Apple and the media team up to tell you something is awesome, it doesn't mean it's good value? You are all as bad as creationists when it comes to gullibility.

In Very Questionable Taste

The following lift of a Larson cartoon is inspired by the great tenor's last name:
Now he is truly, Pavarotti.

If never be able to seperate the big lad and his mighty pipes from this awful and painful landmark in my life:

Ruminant Gets Crappy End of Stick, Again.

Probably not by meat goats, or for meat goats, but about meat goats I'll wager
From the BBC:

Goats sacrificed to fix Nepal jet

Nepal's state-run airline has confirmed that it sacrificed two goats to appease a Hindu god, following technical problems with one of its aircraft.

Nepal Airlines said the animals were slaughtered in front of the plane - a Boeing 757 - at Kathmandu airport.

The offering was made to Akash Bhairab, the Hindu god of sky protection, whose symbol is seen on the company's planes.

The airline said that after Sunday's ceremony the plane successfully completed a flight to Hong Kong.

"The snag in the plane has now been fixed and the aircraft has resumed its flights," senior airline official Raju KC was quoted as saying by Reuters.

Yeah! Suck that Dawkins and your atheist ilk! A pair of dead goats made an aircraft fly- lets see your "science" beat that!

I do like how the BBC notes the aircraft model, as if it is implied that different aircraft require different sacrifices. A chicken for a Gulfstream, half a herd of gnu for a 747....

We Have the Prescription for Your Toe Tap Addiction

A typical Republican Senator last year, prior to treatment

This whole Larry Craig affair is a sad business. Not only does the senior Senator from Idaho find his career and family life in ruins, he no doubt is full of self-loathing and self-recrimination. How can one live a life decrying the morals and standards of those who share one's sexual orientation without feeling one's own bile slowly dissolving one from the inside?

Larry and his fellow self-haters must get beside themselves with self-disgust every time they succumb to their biologically hardwired impulses and bang out the nifty fifty with some bloke in the bogs. Self repression, oppressive legislation, fervent bible bashing, or reversion "therapy" obviously isn't working. What Senator Craig and his chums need is help from every Americans' guardian angel, the pharmaceutical industry.

If psychiatry, psychology, or prayer isn't working then pharmaceuticals will. What is the key problem? Illicit sex in public spaces. How is this sex being initiated? By the tapping of toes. How can the patient resist tapping toes? With a prescription for Mirapax.

Mirapax treats Restless Legs Syndrome (the disease that did for Moira Shearer in The Red Shoes). Closeted self-loathing Republican legislators won't have to worry about succumbing to their genetic preferences as they won't be able to move their legs to tap shoes with undercover coppers!

When you think about it, it's the perfect Republican solution. Blame the symptom not the cause then throw chemicals at it in a vain attempt to solve things. Meanwhile party contributors get your money and you are stuck in a toilet.

All that is missing is Dick Cheney to snarl foul language at one while he pistol whips an elderly man. Although come to think of it, that might prove too appealing.

A Little Help Over Here?

To all my bloggers/visitors in the 04841: I have lost a baseball bet with my friend Bill and need help fulfilling his terms, detailed here. I do appear to have an out, pleading lack of technological resources, but I'd hate to wriggle off the hook over a technicality.

If you have the wherewithal, hit me up either at super secret email (inner sanctum members) or at wisdomweasel AT hot mail dot com.

Thanks.

PS: Favorite quote of last week? President Bush, in New Orleans to commemorate Katrina: "Laura and I- we don't live here".