The Value of a Good Education

The garish neon sign (arrogantly erected without planning permission) outside of R*ckl*nd D*str*ct H*gh Sch**l currently says something along the lines of:

"Happy Independance Day"

I may not have their sentiment exactly right, but the spelling is verbatim. Nice work there by our town's leading public educational institution.

It is this sort of thing that lead to the sign outside the Otis, Maine volunteer fire department's "modjelaah" building in September 2001 that read "Untied We Stand". I hope they didn't trip over their laces en route to rescue cats stuck up trees.

"WHAT? NO. I'M ON THE KHUMBU ICEFALL! THE KHUMBU ICE FALL! WHAT?"

A British climber is in the closing stages of an attempt to set a world record for the highest mobile call.

I've read the linked story a couple of times and I'm still none the wiser. Why bother? And don't give me any of that 'because it is there" crap. If you want a world record, why not emulate me, and go for "The Longest Time Doing the Twist on a 3'x3' Square of Axminster Carpet"? Although be warned, I will defend my record against all comers.

This Makes Me Happy

One of the problems of the classic British secondary education is that by the time you figure out what you are interested in doing you could well be far down the path of preparation for a completely different career. So at the age of 17 as I swotted up on Bismarck (the man, not the pastry) I could do little but regret biology classes not taken as the urge to become a primatologist washed over me with drenching bathos. Of course, I could have recalibrated my life but I was young, confused, in a hurry to be getting on with my life and massively lazy. So I stuck to history, classics, and French and as a consequence I can barely make myself understood on forays into Quebec, own a copy of Herodotus, and do quite well at pub quizzes. Ho hum. But enough about my squandered dreams, back to the primates:

Ancient chimps 'used stone tools'
Chimpanzees in West Africa used stone tools to crack nuts 4,300 years ago.
The discovery represents the oldest evidence of tool use by our closest evolutionary relative.

The skill could have been inherited from a common ancestor of chimps and humans, the authors say, or learnt from humans by imitation.

Alternatively, humans and chimps may have developed tool use independently, the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences journal reports....(the rest of the story)

Chimps are frigging brilliant.

It is only a matter of time...
(image borrowed from Infinite Chimps)

Fount of All Evil

Where I was born
Long time denizens of the Wisdom Weasel may recall that back in December 2005 I pointed out that members of my family seem to constantly find themselves in suspicious proximity to all manner of disasters. At the time, I chalked this up to a Jerimiah tendency- bad luck, if you will- rather than any grand design. Following a couple of geographically specific incidents this winter, I am not so sure.

In 1973 I had the grave misfortune to be born in Ipswich, the shire town of England's vilest county, Suffolk. For most of my life I have chalked this up to an accident of birth (even though my mother went into labour mere miles from either of the family safe havens of Norfolk and northeastern Essex). Recent events have forced me to re-evaluate the apparent random nature of my birthplace being explained away by the demands of my father's job and I now instead have firm evidence that I am the antichrist.

Lets review recent portends of my demonic birthright that have taken place exclusively in Suffolk:

1) The serial murders of Ipswich prostitutes in the autumn and early winter.

2) Ipswich Town, FC.

3) the Minifest Folk Festival.

and most damningly,

4) The arrival of H5N1 bird flu in the UK via a turkey farm at Halesworth.

Now consider these omens in the light of my recent visit to the UK over Christmas. Admittedly, I did not step foot in Suffolk while there (I haven't for years on principle) but while riding the London Eye giant ferris wheel I did glance in a northeasterly direction, vaguely towards the Suffolk port of Felixstowe. I fear my satanic powers are so great that all the residents of hell needed to pour forth and potentially trigger the rapture and the apocalypse was an inadvertent peek.

If I had known I would have worn blinkers. I apologise to you all for what is about to befall you. On the bright side, its not too late to ally yourself with me, the orange-haired prince of darkness.