Arse Banditry, or the Teabagger Bagged

Not what you think:

Police think they've nabbed 'butt bandit'

If I was the police chief in Valentine, Nebraska I would have dressed my best detectives up as a mannequins and had them stake out department store windows. The only thing that could have messed up that strategy was a magical Kim Cattrall.

Many people have probably already thought of this, but....

I am really glad that sports drinks were developed at the University of Florida instead of at Florida State otherwise instead of Gatorade we'd be drinking Seminole Fluid.



8/24/08: I knew there had to be an antecedent, and so with great regret I acknowledge this douchebag Admunsen to my Scott: some goober who got lucky at word play and yet is a sexist tit

Right up the canton

In the United States, they make the flag into patriotic underpants. In Britain, it can be found as a beach towel. In Peru however, one sits on the flag at one's peril:

Peru wants jail for nude woman using flag as saddle

One man's night of paid kink in Nevada is another's sentence of treason in Lima.

"Betsy! A skidmark! What have you been doing?"

Benny Hill Day at the BBC Online?

Best headline evah:

Great tits cope well with warming

Gentlemen, on with the mittens and prepare your hot water bottles.

Marketing Thought

In much the same vein as when retired senator Bob Dole endorsed Viagra, perhaps male urinary weak stream medication Flomax should ask retired NASCAR driver Dick Trickle to serve as pitchman.

My Favorite Spitzer Cartoon

By Pat Bagley.

Caption Contest

Did They Offer Nail Care Products?

From the BBC:

'Jesus' cosmetic row in Singapore
leading retailer in Singapore has withdrawn a cosmetics range with a Jesus theme after complaints from local Roman Catholics, local media report....

Apparently the last straw came when one of the priests offered an altar boy the use of his chap stick.

World Facts

This weekend I have learned that North Korean tyrant Kim Jong Il claims to have completed 18 holes of golf in 19 strokes (because 17 holes-in-one are more believable than 18 holes-in-one?). This is an improvement over his own record set in 2004, the first ever time he played, of 11 holes-in-one over 18. Good show, Kim Jong Il.

I have also learned that there is an insurgent group in the Philippines called the MILFs. This fact has turned me into the chap pictured below.

My Role in The Present Crisis

With Iranian President Ahmadinejad announcing this morning that the captured Royal Navy personnel will soon be freed, I think it is time for me to reveal the part I played in winning their liberty.

The eagle eyed among you may have noticed a diminution in the quality of recent posts. This is because it wasn't me posting, but rather a cunning doppelganger by the name of Hiram Tanktop. Mr. Tanktop's sterling work allowed me to slip away unnoticed to Tehran, where I have been rampaging through the halls of the Iranian Foreign and Security Ministries in my union jack underdrawers (no air conditioning, alas), screaming "Release the British Seamen!"

Obviously, my plain British spunk was too much for them.

I was shocked to see that the Iranian's had taken our lads' uniforms and dressed them in these boilersuits.

Potentially The Headline of the Decade

From the BBC:

Lightning man's trousers ruined
You could read the rest of the story, but wouldn't you rather let your imagination loose?