Crunching Tackle

The housewives of Bogota used stake their housekeeping money on whether Carlos's carpet matched the drapes
From the near-omniscient BBC news website:

"Protest over 'naked' footballers
A football team's 50-year tradition of getting changed in the street has led to a complaint from a woman about the sight of bare bottoms from her window. The team, Skelton FC near York, does not have changing rooms so players have to get changed in their cars. Club secretary Scott Birkley* said the men struggled to change inside the cars and did sometimes flash their bottoms.

The parish council said it was not taking the complaint seriously but it had plans to build some changing rooms. Councillor Sue Robinson said: "It's the first complaint of its kind. The woman looked out of her window the Sunday before last and said she saw a naked man and she didn't think it was very nice."

Mr Berkley* said the players had no choice but to get changed on the street. "We have to park our cars on the road because we don't have a car park and then we just try to be discreet and get changed in our cars. Obviously it's quite difficult to do everything in the car so we have to sometimes stand out and maybe on the odd occasion you do flash your bottom."

Mrs Robinson said the complaint had proved a talking point in the village

"There's been an awful lot of comments, mainly 'she should be so lucky on a Sunday morning!'.

"This lady has done us a tremendous favour because we have got so much publicity out of this and we just hope somebody will come forward and help us." Mrs Robinson said proposals for the new changing rooms have been given planning permission and it was now a case of raising the £60,000 needed for the work."

I am relieved that the BBC showed restraint in their reporting and didn't use easily misconstrued phrases such as "banging their balls about of a Sunday morning", "Thumping one against the woodwork", and "Enjoying a traditional post match meal of meat and two veg". I am also glad they did not write that "Grown men are waving their penises and waggling their buttocks at an aghast woman in Skelton, Yorkshire."

(*The BBC might also want to check with this chap how he spells his name. Stop sending the youth trainees to do the nudity stories.)