Monday, April 04, 2005

Normal Service Has been Resumed

 Posted by Hello

Goddamn Red Sox. At least it wasn't at Fenway after the championship celebrations, but it was pretty much pre-ordained that the Yankees would win last night from the second the Sox finished celebrating on October 20th 2004.

In the field the Sox were the bad old bumbling weak-armed flat foots that looked so funny on the highlight reels all winter, but leads to increased sales of Zantac across New England the rest of the year. The hitting looked rusty, especially Papi, whose swing more resembled a golf drive than a fence clearing home run. And the pitching; I swear I have witnesses that can testify I bemoaned the arrival of Wells from the outset, and not just because he resembles a corrupt town official I battled for years on the radio in the last town I called home. In Red Sox nation, asterix don't usually signify disputed records but rather denote new middle names given to select players by fans; David F*****g Wells. He looked as if he'd been found out last night, all those years of defying his grotesque physique and lack of athleticism catching up with him over four innings. And of course it comes home to roost as soon as he joins the Bosox. I know its early days, that everyone has a bum start at least once a season (even NASCAR driver's head on a stretched chicken's body-man Randy Johnson) but why the hell did it have to be the MLB opener, at Yankee Stadium, against Chicken Man, in front of the Donald, with Ass-Rod strutting about as if HIS team had won the World Series? A balk? Jesus. And how do you hit Jason Giambi twice? He's half the target area he was 12 months ago. Enough already. Its a marathon, not a sprint. On the upside, Kevin Millar just makes me smile, either as a parody of a Owen Wilson character off the field, or with his "I'm a worried old man" face at the plate.
 Posted by Hello

Guys? Err, guys, I'm stuck. A hand, guys? Guys?

Here's what the 'Orrible 'Erald as to say about last night:
Wells opens with stinker

Furthermore, Johnny Damon should have his mouth stapled shut:
"The Idiot thing kind of took on a life of its own," the king of the Red Sox Idiots, Johnny Damon, told Spring Fever. "Idiots have a whole different image now. Being the village idiot doesn't seem so bad anymore. Green Day even has that song, 'American Idiot.' The whole idiot concept has just taken off."
Truly, not an idiot but a moron. Still, he's our moron.
 Posted by Hello

I....smell.....HOTDOGS!!!!!

6 comments:

Jim said...

Last night's outing by Wells was an embarassment. Here's the crux of my issue with Wells.

He obviously is not in baseball shape. There is much debate about baseball training, versus training for say the Tour de France. As a former semi-pro pitcher who achieved some measure of success locally, let me tell you I had enough pride in what I was doing not to stink up the joint. I'd start training every spring with some running, throwing, and gym time to be ready for our May/June start of the schedule.

You would think that Wells, whatever one may think of him, had at least the same amount of pride in his abilities and concern for his teammates as some former has-been semi-pro pitcher in Maine.

It was sadly obvious last night that he did not.

As I blogged this morning, I'm concerned about the Red Sox starting pitching. Granted, the rest of Red Sox nation may not be, as they are suffering from the delusion of last year's world championship, an eight decade rarity in these parts. I'll forgive them at this point, but mark my words, unless Epstein and brass find some starting pitching between now and May 1, we could be in for a long and ugly summer here in New England.

weasel said...

The aggregate age of the Red Sox pitching staff is what scares me. Wells can be good, Schilling can be outstanding, Wakefield is a true specialist, and even Meyers can be useful in relief but its no good when they all end up living in the treatment room half the year. A 57 Chevy is a beautiful car, but you don't expect it to get you from Maine to Florida without mechanical incident. What is more, one of the dubious rationalizations for not paying Pedro Martinez a chunk and letting him go to the Mets was that he was getting old. So Theo goes out and gets Wells. Christ almighty.

Listmaker said...

first of all, calm the fuck down.
second of all, you guys won the ws last year. calm the fuck down.
third of all, wells has always gotten the same bad rap for being fat and has somehow fashioned quite a nice career for himself.
fourth of all, the sox offered pedro a big contract for 3 years. let's see how much you miss him in 2008.
fifth of all, how much money did pedro get vs. how much did wells get?
sixth of all, i thought that winning the ws would make red sox nation a little less uptight. geez.
seventh, calm the fuck down. you're worse than steinbrenner! it is one game!

pedro sure looked good today though, didn't he?

weasel said...

El Listo, as you said:
"i thought that winning the ws would make red sox nation a little less uptight"

Nope. Not a chance. Need to get north of CT more often to see how self-loathing, bitter, and gnarled we are up heaah, deaah! We enjoy this almost more than winning.

Folks don't like Wells up here yet; he was way too into being a Yankee, he's too dumb to wear long sleeves in 40 degree weather (and then complains his arm and hand were cold), and he looks like one of those tourists from Ohio or PA who invade New England every August dripping ice cream everywhere. He'll grow on us.

jamie said...

given the choice, and factoring in cost, i'd rather have Clement than Pedro right now. Wells will be fine, by which I mean average. how far this team goes rests on Schilling's ability to come back dominant and hoping that 2 out of the 3 of Wakefield, Arroyo and Wade Miller can be good. if that happens, they make the playoffs.

regardless of what happens, my flagellation levels will be way down this year, though i still wish the Yankees ill with every breath that i take.

weasel said...

Well at least Clement pitched like a Yankees facing Pedro yesterday- erratic, scary, and as jumpy as Jason Giambi around Cheech Marin

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