Friday, January 07, 2005

What Unites The World's Religions? Nutjobs and Douchebags

Yea verily, sometimes I chooseth to be a right bastard

Do you remember when the charmingly rotund Jerry Falwell and his hair and teeth pal Pat Robertson blamed the attacks of 9/11 on gays, loose women, Democrats, and the new state quarters? It was only a matter of time before the intolerant wrath of some higher power was invoked to explain the Indian Ocean earthquake/tsunami. This time however (at least not out loud, only through a failure to raise relief funds on his TV show) it was not Robertson and the Religious Wrong in this country that have been pouring ire on the heads of the victims, but various Muslim clerics, politicians, and journalists. Thanks to the news translation site MEMRI we can read the words of Falwell's spiritual brethren from the Muslim side of the divide:

Saudi Professor Sheikh Fawzan Al-Fawzan: Allah Punishes for Homosexuality and Fornication at Christmas

"Some of our forefathers said that if there is usury and fornication in a certain village, Allah permits its destruction. We know that at these resorts, which unfortunately exist in Islamic and other countries in South Asia, and especially at Christmas, fornication and sexual perversion of all kinds are rampant. The fact that it happened at this particular time is a sign from Allah. It happened at Christmas, when fornicators and corrupt people from all over the world come to commit fornication and sexual perversion. That's when this tragedy took place, striking them all and destroyed everything. It turned the land into wasteland, where only the cries of the ravens are heard. I say this is a great sign and punishment on which Muslims should reflect."

Sexual perversion and fornication at Christmas? I must be celebrating wrong. Still, I suppose it gives new meaning to 'stuffing the turkey'. Also, I am a little surprised that Falwell and Robertson have so far passed up this opportunity to be offensive bastards by claming that the tsunami was the world's largest mass baptism gone awry (have that one free on me, reverends).

More horrifically laugh-or-else-you'll-cry religious insanity in ths vein can be found here: MEMRI: Conspiracy Theories Surrounding the Tsunami: It was a Punishment from Allah for
Celebrating Christmas and Other Sins; It was Caused by the U.S., Israel, India

While I have your attention, my latest effort for the New York Canaries soccer website is up; just scoot over to "The Maine Man" column to read the whole thing. Finally, here's how I hope my God works and thinks:

Please tell me this is a whoopee cushion

No comments: