Chippy Scouse Bird to Wed Potato

Seeing as the football/soccer season is over (apart from some crap competition in Europe of no account, in the same way as the 1994 World Cup wasn't a real world cup) there isn't much news to report. However, just when you thought you'd have to wait until the end of August for the return of overheated British sports coverage, lumpy and thuggish Man U and England superstar Wayne Rooney is about to get married to his life long gold digger Colleen.

The ceremony is going to be a closely guarded affair with no press coverage. Thankfully, a sharp eyed paparazzi was able to infiltrate the stag night: