The Wide World of Sports

Baseball is America's game. Football, or soccer if you prefer, is the sport beloved of the rest of the world. With that in mind, would you rather:

a) Be a lying, arrogant, greedy, adulterous kiddy-fiddler whose ass bled from too many performance enhancing drugs and who has squandered the trust of two great sports towns and some shite outfit called the Yankees?

Or:

b) A pie-loving, perpetually adolescent set of giant teeth with a gut and feet of gold attached caught up in the ol' Eddie Murphy "my gaggle of prostitutes have testicles" caper?

Answers on a post card to MLB and FIFA. The winner will be selected between rounds as Sepp Blatter and Bud Selig wrestle to see who can make their beautiful game more tawdry and attractive to borderline Nazis (the late Marge Schott would have made a perfect Lazio Ultra).

Match the athlete to his date