Tuesday, January 09, 2007

A Modest Proposal

A Foaming Pipe Snake: Deadly

According to stories on National Public Radio and in the International Herald Tribune this morning;

"The U.N. health agency said Tuesday it would step up efforts to treat the more than 12 million people attacked annually by snakes, scorpions or dogs, many of whom die unnecessarily of rabies and other diseases as a result.

Rabies is the 10th most common cause of death due to infection in humans, according to the World Health Organization, which estimates that 8 million people require treatment against the disease each year. Many more people need drugs after being bitten by snakes or stung by scorpions, but the necessary serums are either unavailable or too expensive in their countries."

The story goes on to report that the UN is working to ensure that life saving drugs, anti-venoms, and serums are made more accessible across the world.

This is a laudable goal, albeit rather expensive. My idea on the other hand would be cheaper by far. Rather than retroactively tackle the symptoms, we should tackle the cause. Therefore I suggest we pay the boffins to figure out a way to induce rabies in snakes, thus cutting the the threat matrix by a third. If they can figure out how to attach a scorpion's sting too, then we will have managed to combine all of the threats into one organism, thus realizing true economy of scale, and setting the minds of potential victims at rest as they will now only have one thing to remember to run away from.


Rikki said...

Isn't that the thing that Godzilla used to fight in downtown Tokyo?

Incidentally, there has been a wicked bad incident or two of rabid skunks getting all crazy in Greater Rockland in recent weeks. Apparently, the globally warmed weather patterns have the polecats a mite confused as to their expected behavior and are trending toward the irrational. I heard Pucky Winchenbach, from out on Bog Road, got chased clear out to Micmac Market the other day before he realized the skunk was chasing the scent of the beef jerky in his left hand. Word to the wise. If chased by a skunk, drop the savory snack treats before running for cover.

weasel said...

I hate frigging skunks with a passion unequalled. It would be just my luck if the major local, midcoast symptom of global warming was an increase in the number and just plain irrationality of the world's worst mammal.