Sunday, November 26, 2006

A Gift From the Wing-ed Rat

I'm not a huge fan of memes but every now and then I get tagged for an interesting one. This time the Caledonian human ashtray and walking Tenants Super research laboratory Flying Rodent has passed along the poser, "What ten things would you never do?"

10. I will never say never again.

It worked for Sean Connery, didn't it? He made millions from that.

9. I will never wear tie dye.

Why would I want to drape myself in a pattern that looks like egg salad in various stages of putification? Before I get clobbered around the ear, that's not to say it doesn't look good on a woman (i.e. Country Mouse's one tie-dyed t-shirt) but there is something about male physiology that doesn't mix with hippie weeds.

8. I will never watch anything with Tom Cruise in it I haven't already paid for.

The idea of putting a portion of my earnings into his pockets makes me want to jump up and down on furniture. I had to qualify this one however so that I can still say "We were...inverted" in time with the DVD of Top Gun.

7. I will never fully understand calculus.

And I will be the poorer for it, both intellectually and financially. Damn you, computer programmers, I will never join your ranks.

6. I will never lose my taste for a good cup of tea.

A foul cup of tea, although invariably never offered by one's host, is another matter.

5. I will never eat the head of a turbot.

That's the only piece of useful advice I ever gleaned from the British TV show Minder.

4. I will never join the Elks Club.

If someone tapped me up to join the Masons I'd be in like a shot- all that nefarious skullduggery, secretive networking, and good works for charadee: I'd be mad not to. The Elks though: I see no primary social benefit to belonging to a group of people too fat for the local bowling league.

3. I will never dye my hair.

I've always wanted Elvis-black hair but having to dye my eyebrows and wear mascara to cover up my lashes would be too much maintenance.

2. I will never rule out the possibility of men carrying children to term in a bio-engineered "momb".

Someone somewhere is working on it, you know it.

1. I will never be able to grow a sustainable moustache.

Exhibit A.

Fear of rejection prevents me from tagging anyone with this but feel free to steal it.


FlyingRodent said...

Good work old bean, and I sympathise on the calculus.

I don't even understand long division.

Wes said...

I am right there with you on all of these— especially the Tom Cruise and tie dye. And I'd like to add that I will never understand Middle America and Jello.

Bill Norris said...

Memo to self: Tie dyed Yankee gear for next season.

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

You could get your eyelashes dyed.

weasel said...

FR: Long division, still a bastard to do. As you and I fall into the same age bracket and roughly similar educational systems (yes, I know the Scots do highers, as the bumper sticker says but still) I'm of the firm belief that our teachers didn't get it either.

Wes: the Middle America and Jello<&tm> thing: are those in harness or seperate.

Bill: I may have to renounce gambling if that prospect looms on my horizon. I'm not committing until opening day and the Sox have settled on their starting pitiching rotation.

Daphne: greetings, thanks ever so for popping in. I would do the lashes thing but for fear of chemical burns on the eyes, making me resemble Le Chiffre. And remember one and all, Wisdom Weasel is all about being the Bond, not the Bond villain.