Lord Sebastian Coe, Chairman
The London Organising Committee of the Olympic & Paralympic Games (LOCOPG 2012)
1 Churchill Place
London, E14 5LN
9th August, 2008
Dear Lord Coe;
I watched the opening ceremonies of the Beijing Olympiad last night with great interest. Upon its conclusion, I turned my thoughts to the opening ceremonies for London 2012 and it is to that element of your event I turn my attention now.
Unless you can persuade the Queen or one of her heirs to run around the roofline of the stadium suspended from a wire-fighting rig and then light the cauldron with a Dunhill desk lighter and one her own majestic rose-scented farts, you are screwed. I also think its a safe bet that the British version of the grand pageant of history as symbolized by dance, flash cards, fireworks, and percussion instruments will be a bit rubbish. The Chinese also had genuine Scottish bagpipers, which I imagine annoyed you to no end, as it makes your plans to include Chinese opera seem very derivative.
And that's before we consider the chance of rain.
17 Dungrumblin Towers