Regular Weaselettes out there will be aware that I have been enduring a season-long bet with Bill Norris of Notes From A Former New Yorker on the results of the meetings of baseball's Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees. Last weekend while I was out and about undergoing a twisted pennance of Bill's devising following a Red Sox loss the word came through the WEEI Red Sox Radio Network that Boston had triumphed over the Yankees.
Revenge would be mine.
Of course, after being forced to parade around Red Sox nation while wearing a pink Yankees hat I knew I had to come up with something good to inflict on Bill. Country Mouse and I have been throwing suggestions around all week, resulting in this shortlist:
1) Write a 250 word essay on why David Ortiz should be the MVP over Derek Jeter.
2) Pose for photographs in front of his undergraduate class at big orange acting as if he is teaching them about the quality of the prose in Jim Gerard's Yankees Suck! (which would be mailed down to Texas presently. It's a good read).
3) Arange to be hit in the face by a custard pie featuring a picture of Trot Nixon picked out in frosting.
4) Become a franchisee in my new business that I'm hoping David Ortiz will agree to endorse: "Big Papi Schmears Bagel Shops", to be situated in women's clinics and OBGYN departments.
However, as tasty as these ideas are, I was hit with greater inspiration on Wednesday night and for a small amount of folding green I sent off for the very special props I would need to seek satisfaction. The props arrived today.
So Bill, there is no better way to acknowledge that one has lost a bet than by adorning one's body with emblems of the enemy and parading in public. As an honest Red Sox fan I could be trusted to don the pink hat even without Bill's direct supervision and fulfill my sentence. While I am sure Bill is a paragon of moral probity he is a Yankees fan and therefore not be trusted not to seek a loophole. Therefore, I'm not sending clothing but temporary tattoos.
There are enough in a package to cover both arms to the point where Bill will resemble a riveter on the Big Dig.
I expect photos of you as a fully-inked construction worker from Providence or Saugus, Mr. Norris. A pillow up your shirt to simulate the accompanying beer gut is optional.
7 comments:
I approve. Austin has a slogan: Keep Austin Weird. I should be able find any number of co-posers for your enjoyment.
Sadly, I don't need the pillow, though it's more of a beer bump than a beer gut at this point.
It's a pity he doesn't live in Staten Island.
i agree with mondale. wearing red sox stuff in austin ain't the same thing as wearing yankees stuff in maine. oh well.
I know, but I can't expect him to drive to Houston and shout "fuck you fatty" at the Rocket.
That would actually be fun. Because unlike David Wells, Clemens wouldn't retort, "But I'm the best fatty ever to play the game."
And, really, there's quite a few expat Boston and New York folk here. You get a good crowd for Sox/Yanks games in bars.
The only thing that would have the potential to rival the pink Yankee hat here would be to don Oklahoma gear and cheer for the Sooners when they meet UT in football. These people have a strange passion for college football. I live a couple of blocks from the UT stadium and the place is full of burnt orange clones every Saturday.
My personal theory on the passion for college ball is that the games don't conflict with the Baby Jesus on Sunday, but it's just a theory.
How did this... happen? It's so weird.
You can't put gregarious people on your links bar and expect that to be that, Ms. Bri..
IThe only thing that gives me hope that perhaps Bush and bin Laden will call a truce and shake hands is that Red Sox and Yankees fans alike have utter contempt for David Wells.
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