Saturday, September 16, 2006

My Dad Warned Me About Wagering

Back at the start of the baseball season Bill Norris from Texas's Notes From A Former New Yorker and I entered into a bet. If over the course of the innumerable meetings between the Red Sox and the Yankees over the length of the season Boston won a series I could inflict humiliation on Bill, and if New York won he could inflict humilation on me.

I gave Bill a rain-out reprieve for the first series and won the second. Bill returned the favour by giving me a bye for my wedding when the Yanks won for the first time this season. Then the post All Star break collapse hit the Red Sox and the Yankees hammered them in August, 5 games to 0. Much like New Orleans's levies in the face of Katrina, I had nowhere to hide and was hit with the full force of Yankee Bill in Bleacher Creature mode. He laid out his terms here.

After a great deal of procrastination and a busy few weeks at work, I finally decided to be a man and get this over with. So with the late summer sun warming a midcoast Maine bejewelled with the earliest of turning leaves, Country Mouse and I set about our usual Saturday chores, except this time with me wearing a pink Yankees ball cap.

Given that I live in a small town of 10,000 (mostly Red Sox-rooting) people and while I'm no celebrity I cannot pass anonymously among my fellow townsfolk, I did allow myself a little disguise. I hope this in no way detracts from Bill's filthy and perverse pleasure at having done the following to me:

About to buy vacuum bags, wanting to shout "Whose your Miele?" at Gary Sheffield.

Why do I stand like that when having my picture taken? It looks like I have a hand palsy. There is an Olympia Sports to my right with a crapload of unsold "NYY Damon 18" t-shirts on a rack outside, 70% off.

Fully entering the Yankee fan character by riding a mobility scooter, the prefered mode of transport of said fans between their living room couches and their fridges for more shitty light beer.

As I type, the Sox lead the Yanks in the Bronx 4-2 in the bottom of the 7th. After this and despite last night's weather, there will be NO rain let-offs for Bill should I prevail this time....


Bill said...

Well played.

And, with a split today, tomorrow's games shall be watched closely.

Of course, in the unlikely event that the Sox take both, I'll take my punishment well, seeing as the playoffs are in only one of our futures.

weasel said...

God knows what the security camera footage looks like of me approaching various stores donning my disguise. I bet a few places thought that "The Pink Hat Moustache Robber" was coming to smash and grab.

Weasel's little bruva said...

The tache makes you look like a cross between Charles "as guilty as Hitler" Bronson (not the actor but the notorious British armed robber/prison nutter) and one of the British Airmen in Allo Allo.

Mondale said...

It all just made me smile.

Wes said...

Thank you for doing this right now. This was the most I've laughed in about 3 weeks.

Rikki said...

Five Star Vacuums ... beautiful! Ambling about the Rock City with a Pinkish Yankees' fat is the essence of .... something bad. Well played, old man!