Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Stumped for Gifts?

For those of you looking for a gift (or eight- shalom) this holiday season but are unable to get up to Adam and Deidre's wonderful new Manos Market* in Hancock, Maine (you need a website and mail order, you crazy cheese book reading kids) might I make a few suggestions?

First, in this renewed climate of culture war, is there a better way to express your contempt for evolution, rational thought, and the precepts of the holy book(s) you claim to follow than with a bit of religious kitch?

Presenting the ibelieve. What better way to listen to your Amy Grant or Stryper songs than on a re-engineered ipod that says "Hey! I may be an evangelical minister but at least I'm an evangelical youth minister!" No word yet if excessive use of the ibelieve causes stigmata but if you do happen to find yourself nailed up this Christmas, you can always pass the time with your fellow danglers by enjoying a few hands of America's hot new pastime, poker!

And the religious gift opportunities don't stop there! Proving that eccesiastical junk has moved on from the Jesus Shooting Hoops figurine of a few years back, those good folks at have compiled a list of 11 Christian, 1 Muslim, and 1 Atheist gift ideas for the Twelve Days of Kitschmas.

Not in the mood for religious gifts and content to burn in hell-fire? How about a great piece of bespoke suitery? You could of course visit the fine chaps at English Cut but the suits that are sweeping the fashion world come from the tailor's bench of Recep Cesur, Turkey's finest exponent of the rag trade. Don't believe me? Then you explain the rush of orders that followed the Anatolian needlesmith's most famous client inadvertently showing the "Cesur" label of his suit in court the other day:

As no less an authority on men's fashion as the Christian Science Monitor says,

ISTANBUL, TURKEY – It should have been the downfall of Recep Cesur's business. There, standing in the dock of a Baghdad courtroom on charges of orchestrating mass murder, was Saddam Hussein wearing a pinstriped suit made by Mr. Cesur's Istanbul-based clothing company. Whenever the former Iraqi dictator reached inside his jacket for a pen, the "Cesur" label was flashed on TV screens across the world.

But rather than taking a nosedive, Cesur's sales have been booming since Mr. Hussein's court appearances began this fall. In fact, Cesur's link to Hussein has proved to be - to paraphrase his now most famous customer - the mother of all endorsements.

"Before Saddam's trial, people knew our suits, our quality, our price. But now they are looking at us differently, like we're a big brand, big quality. They think that's why Saddam is wearing our suit," says Cesur as he stands in his Istanbul showroom.

Should a handmade suit be beyond your budget, you could of course get out the scissors and the fabric yourself and turn your hand to crafting your own gifts. For inspiration, why not turn to the world of simian millinery?

Mr. Monkey over at The House of the Orange Monkey models a wide range of tifters, and all come with construction instructions.

Still stumped? The last but quite possibly least, might I suggest a signed Wisdom Weasel photograph to keep your loved ones warm this winter?

$5 gets you the personalization of your choice, $10 a pair of accompanying worn underpants sealed in a Ziploc bag.

Happy shopping!

*Not named after the movie.


country mouse said...

Dude... that is the most disgusting picture! I'm not marrying that!

weasel said...

I only had the moustache for 5 minutes after the beard (star of the ill-fated "Summer of Weasel Tries a Beard") came off. I do look like I should be on Cops though.

bri said...

Oh. Dear.

weasel's little bruva said...

Was that a moustache????

I thought it was a tribute to those family holiday photos of dad with a baguette under his nose..

youthlarge said...

love the stache!!!

weasel said...

I am afraid that the 5 minute moustache is begining to overshadow the monkey's hats, the Christian crap, and Saddam's suit much more than it ever overshadowed my upper lip.

Bruva, if you weren't bigger and stronger than me... Who am I kidding? You have been able to beat me up since your were 12. The wall at Boo's apartment is testament to that.

Debbie said...

I don' know what traumatized me more. The Moustache or the gift ideas? I say the moustache!

Just a thought, when men don't shave. it coo because they need a break and it's all fun but if women didn't shave it would be a whole different story.

whatddaya say Summer Bri, Summer youthlarge, summer mactech ?

ChickyBabe said...

Oh goodie! I knew there was a reason I haven't done any Christmas shopping yet! Gotta get me an iBelieve to wear around my neck and in my ears, as long as it doesn't play Christmas Carols...

How cool is that?!?!

rps said...

Hey, I was wearing my light blue Zebo t-shirt yesterday too! (But I hope I didn’t look like that.)

weasel said...

The Zebo- an ugly bar with ugly t-shirts for the great unwashed of Bar Harbor. I always remember it fondly as akin to the pub in American Werewolf in London. Morning RPS- snowing in Vermont?

Debbie- as long as what you all choose not to shave doesn't end up looking like my upper lip, I say go for it.

CB- Really? I think the ibelieve looks like a prop from a mid 80s Madonna video.The Mood Cross might be better.

RPS said...

Morning RPS- snowing in Vermont?

I crawled out of bed at the crack of 1:30 this afternoon and found a lot of white stuff falling from the sky. Maybe 3" so far. Haven't gone outside yet to determine if it is snow or not.

ChickyBabe said...


I'll stick with the iBelieve for now. At least Madonna is currently making a comeback...

weasel said...

On reflection, it amazes me that there is a picture of freaking Saddam Hussein on this post, yet people still focus in on how evil the 5 minute moustache was. Not to get all Christopher Hitchens circa Gulf War I, but Hussein ain't Hitler, and my moustache ain't Hussein. It was a useful learning project- in the three months I had my "beard" and the 5 minutes I had the "moustache" I learned that vis a vis facial hair I should never go beyond scraggly sideburns. The Viking in me has been diluted by a millennia.

I wish my friend Adam would comment- he has a kick-ass moustache and beard.

And to attend to earlier business;

Bri- I assume you are reacting to the monkey in the hat, not the moushtie,

Youthlarge- thank you, your checkerboard Vans are brilliant,

CB- whatever accessory you chose, check it out in this for checking out that,

and finally dearest chum RPS; 6 inches, loose powder, could have down-hilled my street on Friday. Bet you got more, you Green Mountain Boy you. BTW, love this bit, so apposite for today: "Some of the methods of coercion used by the Green Mountain Boys are questionable at best, violence and intimidation often occurring as they defended their lands against the hated "Yorkers". However, this group of Yankee Vigilantes was very instrumental in resisting New York's claims to land in what is now Vermont". Too bad they weren't looking out for the Pennsylvania Maine....

Clockwatcher said...

That stache is freakin hilarious! What is it with you men? When Apes shaved off his beard/stache combo I discovered a treasure trove of pics he took of himself w/ the digital, looking very 1978 sleazy.

Abby - Weasel's little bruva's wife said...

Is it me, but you look like you were a Russain cosmonaut in your former life with that hilarious tache

weasel said...

привет, sister-in-law. I shall wave at you on my next orbit.

Clockwatcher, us orang utans must stcik together. Tell Jamie that I stand with him, whatever his facial hair situation.