Monday, August 08, 2005

Who Is She? Where Am I?

Firstly, I'd like to thank all of you how entered the great "Name Mrs. Weasel" contest. After entries closed on Friday, I copied them all onto a sheet of legal paper and presented them to Mrs. Weasel without names attached. She reviewed her options (including a late entry by me, borrowing "Cheesus Crust" from Darrell Hammond's Donald Trump impersonation on Saturday Night Live) and decided that while they were all very good she was going to go with one of her own, namely "Country Mouse" in emulation of the nickname bestowed by Howard Hughes on Katherine Hepburn (I always tell Mrs. W that with her elegantly drawled New England vowels, classy poise, and willowy height she reminds me of the Philadelphia Story era KH. She who must be obyed has just come in and points out that Katherine Hepburn is "sassy and takes no guff" too). To all the entrants, congratulations, well done, and unfortunately we cannot return your entries as none of you sent them with a stamped, addressed envelope.

Now, onto something interactive and fun.

Mrs. Weasel- I'm sorry- Country Mouse came home the other day with the baffling news that she was apparently destined to live in Arkansas. When pressed further, she claimed that she had been told to move to the Razorback State by a website that offered a survey of your personal living situation preferences and then calculated the best places for you to live in the United States. I figured the Arkansas economic development people had a hand in determining her results (she is the consumate small-y yankee for goodness' sake, despite claiming descent from Jefferson Davis) but she admitted that her frankly un-Mainer-like detestation of cold weather influenced her answers. The only thing I could do was try the quiz myself, with the inevitable results that we apparently don't share a common locale aspiration outside of Northern California (its just so west coast over there).

I wasn't surprised; she dreams of vacationing in the Carribean while I hanker after the glaciers of Iceland. She wants to learn how to surf; I'm just getting into skiing. When the mercury climbs above 80 I become as irritable as Andy Rooney or Jeremy Paxman (just covering my tranatlantic bases) but when it is dark at 4pm Country Mouse begins to slump. Sunday afternoon sunshine means the beach to her, a solar topee and a beer vat full of factor 30 sunblock for me (the results without sunblock are a horrifc purple visage for me. Still, a compromise will be found, I have no doubt, even if it means we move to Humboldt County.

Should you want to find out where you are supposed to be, here are two quiz options:
Find Your Spot (who recommended that I move to Shelburne Falls, Massachusetts and the more urban:
Find Your Best Place who recommended I move to Long Island.

I'll be interested to see if anyone lives where they are supposed to.


Joe said...

I think "Find your Spot" is a crock. It sent me to Arkansas, too, despite the fact that skiing was probably my greatest priority. After that it was all Hawaii and California (and me emphasizing low housing costs!)

"Find Your Best Location" sent me to San Francisco, with Boston as my #2. This seems more reasonable. Portland, ME was #40.

weasel said...

Joe, I agree; they are in the pay of the Clintons. For a while it looked like I was going to get Bar Harbor (the town where I lived for 7 years before moving to the midcoast and Country Mouse's home town) but sure enough, weird bits of rural MA, Vermont (no, nay, never), and flipping Arkansas beat it out. Maine barely gets a look in- maybe like much of the rest of the country they believe we are part of Canada.

Also, the "affordable housing" category on both sites is a crock- since when have San Fransisco, Boston, Maui, etc ever been considered affordable, even by be-volvo'ed frothy coffeed Park Slope types? (hehehe...)

Listmaker said...

bowles lives in cobble hill.

weasel said...

"Cobble Hill", "Park Slope"; I 've always been interested in how the most urban of areas either hang on to their original village name, readopt it, or invent one out of whole cloth at odds with the city bustle around them.

I however live in the Millville district of Camden, ME (pop. 4,500)- a distinctly tannery and woollen mill scented name for my bucolic neighborhood (although it used to be the epicenter of paper mill roller woollen batting production- not too shabby).

Jim said...

It seems everyone is destined for either Arkansas (or Wisconsin, land of cheese).

I'm surprised I didn't get sent to Johnstown, PA, that crumbling former manufacturing center, and recipient of a devastating flood in 1889.

weasel said...

And there you were Jim, hoping against hope for Rumford or Jay....
You can't step into the same river twice, my friend (especially the Androscroggin; the dioxins will have your foot off at the ankle).

I think I should institute a prize; first person able to manipulate either of the two location finders above into sending them to Love Canal, NY or Baton Rouge (aka 'Cancer Alley), LA wins a free course of chemo.