Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Those Ungrateful Bastards...

The face of a champion

This post is as much the result of irate prodding in the ribs from lifelong Red Sox fan Mrs. Weasel who managed the amazing feat of being both incandesent with rage and sleepy when the following news came over the radiogram.

After visiting all the other New England states with the World Series Trophy, our World Series Champion Boston Red Sox will be coming to Maine this week, visiting the metropolis of Portland, state capital Augusta, Stephen King's home of Bangor, and distant and scary Presque Isle. Fans will be lined up six deep on the streets to welcome Mark Bellhorn, Kevin Youkilis, and Lenny DiNardo.

Jesus. Talk about damned by faint praise. Maine, New England's empty quarter, is rabid Sox territory and while meaning no disrespect to Youkilis and DiNardo, apparently our feral support and obvious excitement warrants only one World Series starter. I guess Johnny Damon is too busy hanging out at Saturday Night Live in New effin' York (just like Bucky Effin' Dent) and touring with Godmack.

I was getting ready to launch into a tirade about how Maine gets no respect from it's southern metrosexual neighbors until I looked at which players visited other parts of New England.

Connecticut: Youkilis, Red Sox president Larry Lucchino, & PR guy Charles Steinberg
Vermont: Bronson Arroyo & PR guy Charles Steinberg
New Hampshire: Alan Embree
Little Rhody: Bronson Arroyo & Larry Lucchino

Humph. If they want to call us Red Sox nation, they might want to do a little more to get the big boys out of Massachusetts ocasionally. Humbug.

And to my Mets chums: get ready for alternating displays of brilliance and mind boggling shellackings as Pedro Martinez heads to Shea.


jamie said...

yeah, maybe the Mets can make some of his contract money back by taking bets on exactly when his arm detaches at the shoulder.

Listmaker said...

as long as that midget comes with him, i say that pedro is being way underpaid.

weasel said...

The midget will have to clear out of Beantown before David Wells starts tossing him around the dressing room. That's probably why Pedro left too: that suspect arm cannont take too many Wellsian 'indian burns."

Those wacky sox! Jeez!

Anonymous said...

I've waited 27 years for the mighty Red Sox to win it! To all you old timers, Weasel, Captain Bowles, the lot of ya' 27 years ain't no thing. But come on! I'm not standing, crowded along the street in thrity below temps, to see frickin' Mark Bellhorn. The Red Sox win and the fans lose part of their long suffering identity- but don't fret because now we can be pissed at the parade douchebaggery suffered by the less populated states of Red Sox nation. What would JD do? Who cares!