Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Ahh, here I am; finally saddling up the information age pony and preparing to ride the range of transatlantic cyber self-absorption in the vain belief that anyone will want to read what I have to contribute to the gloopy morass of internet burblings. Still, as an ex- radio hack who has no desire to knuckle under and work for corporations who actively encourage their listeners to destroy the CDs of artists who don't share their politics, and as a writer who has the singular bad luck to keep hooking up with publications that merge or collapse, this interweb thingy seems to be the least ulcer inducing form of mass communication. At the very least, this blog will allow me to scratch the creative itch and spew indignant bile in a manner not dissimilar to the razor wanged demon of the tenth circle of Hindu hell. Besides, both Dave and Richard told me to.

British chums will notice that I opted to go with the red-topped tabloid motif, and like the booze addled hacks of olde London towne I fully expect to publish puce-faced rants packed with hyperbole and then retract them later in small print on a figurative page 23 (next to the classified ad for Caribbean on-line bookies.) However, with this being an election year here in the US and with me being a voteless resident alien, I reckon this will be a good a place as any to recklessly punch the chads based on my political biases.

As disclaimers go, I reckon the above is refreshingly honest.

I must admit that this project is off to a less than auspicious start. The Bush White House (as has been so often the case with so many things over the past four years) has thrown a spanner in the works, sabotaging my first planned diatribe. As I rode home from the day job, NPR reported that National Security Advisor Condeleeza Rice is going to testify publicly (and under oath) before the 9/11 Commission. Gone now is my chance to make sport of her omnicience on the TV talk shows attacking Richard Clark for doing the very thing she refused to do. I guess I'll just have to wait for her to potentially perjure herself before the commission before I wheel out those gags.

This kind of thing always happens to me. The two listeners of the former WMDI in Bar Harbor, Maine, might remember the simple enjoyment I used to get from saying "moley moley mole" in an odd husky voice when "The Mole" premiered on ABC. Then along comes "Goldmember" and Mike Meyers' permanently and inadvertently hijacked that little bit from my repetoire. Still, I shouldn't complain, considering that compared to Dick Emery I suffered lightly at the larcenous hands of Meyers.

My contract with the seekers of weasel wisdom:
1) I shall try to update at least twice a week.
2) I shall try to focus on one topic per post.
3) I shall not devote more than 20% of content to arcane and pointless flaming wars with other spotty herberts on the net.
4) I shall however publish emails from and defenestrate any right wing hack who raises his or her head above the parapet: they do it to us, so why not give them a taste of their own medicine?*

So the (not so) great adventure in ego-massaging has begun. Feel free to contact me via wisdomweasel@hotmail.com with feedback. I think next time I'll tackle the Passion of the Christ; I have a sure fire solution to those accusations of anti-semitism for you, Mr. Gibson...

* Once again, beaten to the punch; who knew Rush Limbaugh would take the Hillbilly Heroin route? I thought opiates made you lose weight.

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