Around the Houses Time

Its time once again for a quick wrap up of all the fun things happening in our little corner of the web, chums:

*Cuzzen Jim (my actual real-life, proper cousin) writes to say that:

"I'm on a mission. The lads in my pub quiz team have got me obsessed with this the last week. There really is no higher purpose than seeking to convert the entire OED into limerick form...."

It is a mighty task, but Cuzzen Jim is not alone. And if you want to partake in translating the Oxford English Dictionary into limericks, the info is there at the link.

*Public Radio International's "The World" ran a great story on Tuesday about remarkably successful Soviet efforts to map Britain in 1/250,000 scale so that the Ivan tank drivers would know where to go in the event they invaded. The interview is archived here. I wonder if Karl Marx's tomb in Highbury cemetery is marked, with cyrillic warnings to drive the T-72 around, not over, it?

*Dave over at Backword reports on the conservative version of Wikipedia, designed to combat "anti-christian and anti-American" biases in the orginal collective encyclopedia here. Dave quotes part of the entry on quantum mechanics:

"Quantum mechanics forms the basis for all computers and electronic devices today. Unfortunately, the idea of non-determinstic physics runs contrary to the Biblical worldview of an omnipotent diety. Thus, quantum mechanics remains a flawed, ultimately incorrect theory."

Love it.

*Listmaker has his 2006 Movie List up.

*Flying Rodent gets to grips with The European Disease (no, not gingivitus, intolerance).

*And finally, I'd like to welcome a new-to-me Maine blogger to the sidebar, as well as applaud the return of an old friend.

I'll Be More Impressed When They Manage To Do Wolverines

The end goal
First the Chinese shocked the world by using space missiles to blow up one of their own satellites. Now people's democratic science has made another leap forward:

Chinese Scientists create remote-controlled pigeon
Chinese scientists have succeeded in implanting electrodes in the brain of a pigeon to control the bird’s flight remotely, state media have reported....

Children of Men

I am a sucker for a good dystopia and so I had been waiting a long time to see this bundle of misanthropy hit the big screen. And although at times Children of Men seemed a bit too in love with its knowing nods to the present in our supposed future I have to say I found this a cracking movie.

When any western story after about 33AD features a small child who brings hope when the world is consumed by despair you can't do much to resist the wave of allegory that crashes over you. In this, Children of Men pulls out all the stops (in its movie form at least- I am ashamed to admit that I have yet to read the book). Why make your points with a gentle tap when you could be swinging a big haymaker? Therefore we get lots on religion; the miracle baby at the heart of the film brings temporary peace, the concept of miracle baby leads to factionalization that obscures her true message, proximity to the miracle baby redeems even the most flawed souls, and the miracle baby is not born to a powerful or exalted family but rather to one who is seen as the lowest of society. Still, despite being laid on thicker than Tammy Faye's eyeliner and despite my rampant atheism I have to say the device worked in this case, not least because director Alfonso Cuarón seemed to deliver the whole thing with a mighty wink. And if you don't buy the above, I'd also like to say that it was like Watership Down. A bit.

I also have to admit to making a point of watching any film which presents Britain as buggered, screwed, or generally unpleasant- either in the present (28 Days Later) or the future- as this makes reality (however vile in places) much more pleasant when I return there to visit family. As Country Mouse pointed out, rail travel in modern Britain is not too dissimilar to how it is portrayed in The Children of Men but at least people don't throw rocks and molotovs at passing trains yet. Well, at least not all the time. I could have sat for hours just watching Bexhill-Upon-Sea being turned into Grozny. I also enjoyed the visual gags, such as Picasso's Guernica being saved for posterity as the rest of the world collapsed, and Pink Floyd's flying pig hovering over Battersea Power Station.

I have to say that I liked the impressionistic way the characters were drawn. With the exception of one almost clunking speech saved by the masterful touch of Michael Caine there was no attempt to backfill the gaps in our knowledge of the characters. We had to take them as they were in the moment and snatch what inferences we could from the artefacts around them and obscure references in conversation. In this regard Cuarón was much more successful in creating consistently believable people from outline sketches than his contemporary Alejandro González Iñárritu was in Babel. I think pace was the key here- Children of Men moved much quicker and with great tension which made it easier to deal with its small flaws. As Country Mouse would endorse heartily, just because you can tell a story in 2 1/2 hours, it doesn't mean you should. Brevity is the soul of wit, after all (perhaps I should take that to heart myself).

My one major complaint was the ending. To again paraphrase Country Mouse, to end a movie with what looks like the begining of another movie only works for pirates and hobbits (and even then rarely). On the whole however, lets give Children of Men 8/10.

Sure Beats a Beer Hat

How have humans lived without these?



To quote the store description:

"...it includes two holsters for tequila, Jack, Jagermeister, whathaveyou (not included); and six molded ammo slots for shotgun shell shot glasses (included). Thermally molded foam liquor carriers and nylon web belt. Adjustable sizing fits most. U.S. made..."

Only $89.99, and so popular it is on back order. Wonders never cease in our technological age!

Meaners Strike Again!

The Camden town office
From one of our local papers, The Camden Herald, comes more news of the toboggan championships:

Camden recreation officials tone down toboggan race committee's celebration
CAMDEN — Public recreation officials are toning down this year’s post-toboggan races celebration for the race committee, following criticism they fielded from some members of the public last year.

Recreation Director Jeff Kuller said Thursday that, after the February 2006 National Toboggan races at the Snow Bowl, the volunteer race committee was treated to dinner at the Waterfront Restaurant on Bay View Street, paid for with town funds.

But because the town “caught some heat” for doing this, the celebration this year will be limited to a pizza party, Kuller said.

The 2006 dinner cost the town $300.70 according to Kuller’s records. He said the money paid only for the food. The 20 people in the party were required to buy their own alcohol, he said. The restaurant bill works out to $15 a head.

This year’s pizza party will also be paid for from a town account, Kuller said. The 2007 toboggan races netted at least $39,000 according to Kuller.

The recreation director explained this situation after Herald readers posted remarks on our Website.

A band of surly but dedicated volunteers gave up days to stand in the cold watching-for free- everyone else get drunk and have fun. In the process they helped raise $39,000 for Maine's (and maybe the USA's) last municipal ski mountain*, kept most people safe, and tended to the injuries of those who plowed into ice houses and fish shacks. In return, a bunch of local busy bodies have kicked up a fuss about spending $300 to say thank you.

MEANERS**! I call MEANERS on them! MEANERS to the killjoy penny pinchers!

What assholes.

(* I say either privatise the ski operations on the mountain or restructure it as a non-profit that can fundraise to promote year-round recreational opportunity to the midcoast rather than have it as a line-item in the town budget, but that is by-the-by).

(** Working Meaner definition is about halfway down in this bit)

At Least It Wasn't "Bigger Than Jesus"

Gandhi searches for Madonna's sense of proportion
According to the BBC, Madonna Wants To Be 'Like Gandhi

In related news, Cyndi Lauper has expressed a desire to emulate Jawaharlal Nehru, while Toni Basil is taking steps to follow in the career of Muhammad Ali Jinnah.

(Yes, I know I've swtiched to the new blogger despite previous protests, but like Robert Peel I can accept change once it has finally been shown to work)

Another Slam Dunk?

From today's New York Times:

Bush Declares Iran's Arms Role in Iraq Is Certain

It does seem a little odd however that Iran- while no doubt supportive of the Shia extremists blamed by Bush for the death of around 170 US troops- would be named as the prime cause of violence while the external supporters of Sunni insurgents who killed most of the remaining 2,800 dead Americans get a pass.

I wonder why no fingers are being pointed at Sunni states terrified of Iranian- and by extension, Shia- power like Jordan and Saudi Arabia. It has been credibly alleged by various intelligence agencies that Saudi Arabia has been arming and training Sunni extremists so that they have to fight the Shia in Iraq, not at home (and more credibly than any allegation leveled at Iran). That sounds like a familiar justification, doesn't it? The Saudis also recently made overtly bellicose noises at the time of the Baker Hamilton Report about intervening in Iraq should the Americans withdraw. I wonder why we aren't pointing fingers across Iraq's southern border rather than it's eastern one?

I dare say Iran is meddling in Iraq. It is in their interests to do so, as anything that keeps the Americans flustered and in reactive mode keeps the Americans out of Tehran. But as for the very specific charges made by the President against them, I'm not so sure. How would such easily traceable, amateur tactics be in their interest?

I'm going to hear Bush out in the vain hope that he's learned his lessons and is playing with a straight bat this time, but foremost in my mind when assessing his arguments will be the following:

1) With the Shia in control of the most important arms of government- including the ministries responsible for the police and army- why do they need home-made IEDs when they have access to government munitions dumps? Many of the unofficial militias and death squads seem to have no problems getting their hands on the latest uniforms for disguises and they are always armed to the teeth.

2) Did anyone reference Iraqi President Jalal Talabani's (himself a Kurd) recent visit to Tehran where offical promises of defense supplies were made to him by the Iranians? An event so un-cloak and dagger that it was reported in a profile of the man in the New Yorker? Are legitimately supplied weapons- some Iranian, some old Iraqi, some even American- being syphoned off by the insurgents? And if so, are we going to declare war on ourselves for losing track of weapons and money that found their way into the hands of the various insurgencies?

3) The number of references to Iranian-Al Qadea links that are ideologically unlikely to exist. First hint: when the adminstration flacks start referring to "Al Qadea leaders under house arrest" in Iran while deemphasizing the key word, "arrest".

4) The dispositions of the various Iraqi Shia groups, from the more mainstream Iraq-for-the-(Shia)-Arabs-not-Iranians followers of Ayatollah Al Sistani, through the more gangsterish Mahdi Army of Sadr, to the explicitly pro-Iranian Badr Brigades found mostly in the south. Who feels imune from the security crackdown? Who is reacting the most boldly? Whose actions most closely mirror official Iranian pronouncements?

5) Do members of Bush's administration appear to be speaking from a script? Sycronized references to "smoking guns" etc should be a real tip off that they are full of it. Again.

UPDATE: Alexander Cockburn in a similar vein, with more on the alleged Iranian weapons technology, here.

Happy Valentine's Day To You All

In these days of bile and rancour, I want to shower all of you in love. After all, it is a distinct cultural tradition of my home region:

Norfolk "A County of Old Romantics"
...In Victorian times, Norfolk lovers went to great lengths to swap parcels anonymously on 13 February. Often more money was spent on valentine’s gifts than Christmas presents....

The only surviving Norfolk ritual is Jack Valentine, otherwise known as Old Father Valentine or Old Mother Valentine. The enigmatic Mr or Mrs Valentine disappear into thin air after knocking at the door and leaving their gifts. It is unclear when this mystery figure emerged, but children are as likely as adults to be visited....

Norfolk's Mother Valentine Pageant Winner for 2007

This Makes Me Happy

One of the problems of the classic British secondary education is that by the time you figure out what you are interested in doing you could well be far down the path of preparation for a completely different career. So at the age of 17 as I swotted up on Bismarck (the man, not the pastry) I could do little but regret biology classes not taken as the urge to become a primatologist washed over me with drenching bathos. Of course, I could have recalibrated my life but I was young, confused, in a hurry to be getting on with my life and massively lazy. So I stuck to history, classics, and French and as a consequence I can barely make myself understood on forays into Quebec, own a copy of Herodotus, and do quite well at pub quizzes. Ho hum. But enough about my squandered dreams, back to the primates:

Ancient chimps 'used stone tools'
Chimpanzees in West Africa used stone tools to crack nuts 4,300 years ago.
The discovery represents the oldest evidence of tool use by our closest evolutionary relative.

The skill could have been inherited from a common ancestor of chimps and humans, the authors say, or learnt from humans by imitation.

Alternatively, humans and chimps may have developed tool use independently, the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences journal reports....(the rest of the story)

Chimps are frigging brilliant.

It is only a matter of time...
(image borrowed from Infinite Chimps)

Fount of All Evil

Where I was born
Long time denizens of the Wisdom Weasel may recall that back in December 2005 I pointed out that members of my family seem to constantly find themselves in suspicious proximity to all manner of disasters. At the time, I chalked this up to a Jerimiah tendency- bad luck, if you will- rather than any grand design. Following a couple of geographically specific incidents this winter, I am not so sure.

In 1973 I had the grave misfortune to be born in Ipswich, the shire town of England's vilest county, Suffolk. For most of my life I have chalked this up to an accident of birth (even though my mother went into labour mere miles from either of the family safe havens of Norfolk and northeastern Essex). Recent events have forced me to re-evaluate the apparent random nature of my birthplace being explained away by the demands of my father's job and I now instead have firm evidence that I am the antichrist.

Lets review recent portends of my demonic birthright that have taken place exclusively in Suffolk:

1) The serial murders of Ipswich prostitutes in the autumn and early winter.

2) Ipswich Town, FC.

3) the Minifest Folk Festival.

and most damningly,

4) The arrival of H5N1 bird flu in the UK via a turkey farm at Halesworth.

Now consider these omens in the light of my recent visit to the UK over Christmas. Admittedly, I did not step foot in Suffolk while there (I haven't for years on principle) but while riding the London Eye giant ferris wheel I did glance in a northeasterly direction, vaguely towards the Suffolk port of Felixstowe. I fear my satanic powers are so great that all the residents of hell needed to pour forth and potentially trigger the rapture and the apocalypse was an inadvertent peek.

If I had known I would have worn blinkers. I apologise to you all for what is about to befall you. On the bright side, its not too late to ally yourself with me, the orange-haired prince of darkness.

Blockbuster

From a show called Monkey Dust, well known to hipster members of the "British Reeesch" but alas unlikely to penetrate these shores, I offer up an imagining of a film adaptation of "The Diary of Anne Frank" in the same vein as Hollywood blockbusters like The Patriot, Braveheart, U-571, and Michael Collins:



Also, Rick of Arguably So has his toboggan championship photos up...

In Candlepin Bowling You Have Three Balls

In the first post of last weekend about the toboggan championships, Wes noted that "Those of you who reside in Maine definitely think of odd ways to pass the winter".

Thanks to my friend Richard I am able to share details of another Maine winter pursuit, albeit one best suited to indoors.

Nude bowlers breaking no laws in Old Town
By Aimee Dolloff, Tuesday, January 30, 2007 - Bangor Daily News


OLD TOWN - They wore bowling shoes, but nothing else.

Some nudists who have been renting the Old Town Bowling Center for private parties don’t appear to be breaking any laws or ordinances, but they are having fun candlepin bowling and playing pool.

"Hey, you can’t go skinny-dipping at this time of year," said Hessa, who organized the events and wanted to be identified only by her first name.

During the three events the Bare Nekkid Mainers have held in the center since September, the one-story building at 185 Center St. was closed, its windows and doors were covered in paper, and signs announced that a private party was in progress.

"I have absolutely no problem with it, and I hope nobody else does," Charles "Chip" Carson, the center’s owner, said Monday. "They just happen to like having a good time without their clothes on."

On Jan. 20, a man apparently ignored the signs and entered the center with his 8-year-old son. "I tried to stop him," Hessa said Monday. "He walked through two doors that were covered in paper and had signs." He apparently saw a nude male playing pool. Disgusted, the visitor went to police.

"One of our officers went over there to check," Old Town police Capt. Kyle Smart said Monday. Police found no violations, and after checking with the city attorney and municipal officials, they concluded there has been no wrongdoing. The doors can’t be locked for fire and life safety reasons when people are inside, but Hessa said the group plans to post someone at the door at all times for future events.

"The only thing we’re not sure of is there may be some issues where they have a liquor license," Smart said. Carson said he checked with the state liquor commission and found no restrictions. He added that no one under 21 is served beer, but that food and alcohol are served with proper identification. Anyone under age 18 must be accompanied by an adult, Hessa noted.

"Evidently, there’s nothing in our ordinances," City Clerk Patty Brochu said. Nudity falls under a business’ special amusement permit, which the bowling center isn’t required to have. Because the events are private parties where people must RSVP and be placed on a list to enter, it’s not necessary to obtain such a permit.

"The big fear is that if this is allowed, how far does it escalate and how many liberties can other people take?" City Manager Peggy Daigle said Monday. The city has contacted the state liquor commission to ensure there wasn’t an issue, but hadn’t received a reply as of Monday evening.

Hessa said she hopes that no one tries to create new laws or ordinances because of the group’s activities. "We’re not doing anything sexually explicit, and we’re not out there doing it on Main Street," she said. About 60 households belong to Bare Nekkid Mainers, and 30 to 40 people have participated in each bowling event in Old Town. As self-described naturist nudists, the Bare Nekkid Mainers belong to an international nudist organization and participate in nudist events throughout the year.

The group used to bowl in Albion, but that venue has closed. Hessa said the group has been looking for a new facility ever since. "There’s no sexual overtones in any way," Hessa said. "We just like to do things a little different, and it’s all just plain fun."

People come from as far as 150 miles away for the naked bowling in Old Town, Hessa said. Some get hotel rooms for the night, and she stressed that they spend money on food and other amenities while they’re here. "Economically, it’s tourism at its best," she said.

Carson was notified by one of his employees last September that the event had been booked and that extra help would be needed for the event.

"I kind of chuckled a little bit and said, ‘I’ll be there,’" Carson said. "I’m not ashamed of anything," He turns the thermostat up to make his patrons more comfortable. The event is handled like any private party, such as a birthday or retirement gathering, he said.

"It was odd for me, too," said Carson, who has been working at bowling lanes since he was 12. As for business, there hasn’t been any impact now that word has gotten out. After all, it is a private party, Carson stressed. "Everybody’s laughed at it, to be honest with you," he said. "These people are the cleanest people that you’ve ever met in your life."

Each participant brings a towel to sit on, and they all clean up after themselves.

"I wish every group was this clean," Carson said. "If people’s minds wander, turn it off. Nothing happens at all."

National Toboggan Championships, Day Two

After the day's less than optimal run, Team Allen's Coffee Dandies regrouped over pizza last night to come up with some winning strategy for the second qualifying run. It was agreed that the forced dismount in the chute house had not allowed us to become settled on the toboggan, hence the various collisions with the wall on the way down (or "sustained contact with the wall" as Brian and Mike experienced). Also, it was decided that we would jettison the cold water surfboard wax in favour of Pledge furniture polish for the bottom of the sled.

Today's runs began a full four hours earlier, at 9am, and it was a weary team that assembled at Mike's for the journey over to the Snow Bowl. With our usual lollygagging upon arrival we had to respond at a brisk trot to the last call for four person teams or risk disqualification. A further internal team dispute about the length of the toboggan we planned to use (Rick correctly pointed out that his head would be in contact with the ice all the way down if we opted for the 8 footer over the 12 footer) meant that the only ride waiting for us at the Toboggan Shack was the dog of a sled we had used the day before. As Brian observed, it had a raised grain on the bottom that would work like a snow tire. Oh well- you dance with who brung ya, or something like that.

Into the chute and taking no chances, we collectively sat/lay stiff as a board and visualised not touching the sides. The result? A second run time of 9.19- slower than yesterday's disaster and not good enough to see us into the finals.

There's always next year...

The Dandies, in the chute...

...And after a spectacular crash finish, worth of "Sports Bloopers".

Captain Mike and our manager Kristin, who took magnificent care of her husband's stable of top-notch athletes all weekend (backpack is full of donuts)

The shameful tale of the tape

This dude was so proud of his injury...

Mike, less proud of his.

Possibly the best dressed team on the hill

This guy took pity on us back in the parking lot. He could obviously see we were bumming over our slowwwwwwwwww times, so he came and comforted us. Either that or he was sniffing around for a free cup of our coffee and a donut.
As we left today, slinking off before the finals began, there was already to talk as to what we needed to do to crack the top 75 in 2008. Watch this space: the Dandie's ain't done yet.....

National Toboggan Championships, Day One, Part One

Another beautiful day in coastal Maine, and teams from all over New England gathered at the Camden Snow Bowl for the first qualifying runs of the National Toboggan Championships. The lightweight two-person and middleweight three-person runners went first, which left us heavyweight four-person crews to drill in the parking lot and pose for photos:

Why real estate is so expensive in these parts

The chute

3/4 of our team with the Trunk Monkey

The controversial rope (more on this later)

Mentally running the chute

The Allen's Coffee Dandies
Calamity struck on our first run: we we forced to shed our tensioning ropes while in the chute house, and a hurried remount of the toboggan meant that we were off center and not settled and tilted left when we hit the chute. As a consequence Mike and Brian rode the wall all the way down (melting Brian's pants: we in the back were wondering what the smell was) and I bounced off the chute myself on a couple of occasions. Even so, we managed a 9.11 second run- without the disasterous wall bumping we would have been up the leader board. No matter: tomorrow's run will be better and the judges take the best of both times, not a combined, so we are still in shooting distance of the finals. Wish us luck. Go fightin' 358th!

The Shite Stuff

Tomorrow afternoon I will step out onto the platform along with my "Allen's Coffee Dandies" teammates Mike, Rick, and Brian (on the left); settle into our mighty ride; give a hearty thumbs up to the operator; and thunder down the ice chute into National Toboggan Championship legend.

If you happen to be in the vicinity of the Camden (Maine) Snow Bowl tomorrow or Sunday, four-person runs start at 1pm Saturday with the second runs starting at 9am Sunday. If the Dandies crack the top 75, our four person finals will be on Sunday afternoon. We would appreciate your cheers, if only to intimidate the judges into giving us the "most popular" prize. Feel free to bring a cowbell.

Allen's Coffee Dandies: faster than a speeding Class E naturally aspirated gas engine racing lobster boat, by golly.

Portent of Doom For: February

Nevermind sabre-rattling over Iran, or polar bears falling through the ice. Real trouble in the world can be detected by carefully studying the grooming and dress of members of the secret one world government/illuminati. Case in point, top neo-con/World Bank Prez Paul Wolfowitz's socks:


To the bunkers! Cower! Cower!