Lip Service, Not Active Service

("Motivational" poster via Secular Front)
If you believed their advertisements and public statements you'd think that the Republicans- the good ol' any-kid-but-mine, we-never-said-stay-the-course party- is the legislative equivalent of the USO. They support the troops better-er than anyone, by golly, and anyone who says otherwise is a godless atheist communist freedom hating Frenchified Jihadist. In fact just espousing a different political philosophy than the GOP shows that you don't support the troops and are just waiting to straddle a Taliban anti-aircraft gun like a modern day Jane Fonda. And what's the best way to support the troops? Why, support the President, dummy! Its just plain logical: if Bush is the Commander-in-Chief, then he is the chief troop, and therefore supporting him supports all troops, Heck, its the trickle-down economics theory of troop-supporting.

If only supporting the troops came down to who could shout the loudest or wave the biggest flag. Unfortunately, one of the realities of this current series of wars means that "supporting our troops" requires more than shouting, waving, or even more than the genuinely nice folks of the Maine Troop Greeters can muster. Thanks to roadside bombs, land mines, 7.62mm AK-47 rounds with a muzzle velocity of about 700 metres a second, rocket propelled grenades, and (ironically) better protective gear that saves many soldiers who would have died of their wounds in previous wars, "supporting our troops" has taken on a more practical meaning.

"Supporting our troops" means fully funding the Veteran's Administration. It means expanding pay and benefits for active duty personnel and their families. It means paying for the best research into the new kinds of traumatic but survivable wounds inflicted by this asymetric warfare. It means that the military and civillian upper-echelons at the Pentagon need to get out of bed with the contractors (like most recently Haliburton-KBR, again) and into an honest discussion about needs and expenses. Never mind having to hold a yard sale to fund a school while the airforce gets new bombers (to paraphrase the bumper sticker), or even actual military yard sales like this one, how about a day when line infantry units don't have to scrounge equipment and scrap metal to try to protect their vehicles? One B-2 bomber (a sexy bit of kit, by all means, but I think we can all agree that its useless against insurgents) costs $1 billion. That is a hell of a lot of armour plate and kevlar. But cancelling one bomber to by a mess of bullet-proof vests probably frigs with somebody's congressional district and means a shit load of paperwork. Oh well.

Enough angry digressions. The point of this post is to highlight the disparity between words and actions (specifically, votes) of many of those Republican politicians who most loudly insist that they are supporting the troops. Thanks to the websites of both the Iraq & Afghanistan Veterans of America and the Disabled Veterans of America you can see how every Representative and Senator voted on veteran's issues and decide how supportive they were not just of the war, not just of new weapons systems spending, but of returning troops, wounded veterans, and the families of those who paid the highest price. And interestingly, those who shout the loudest about supporting the troops and security are, natch, among the worst-rated for supporting veterans. Lets take a look at a few shockers, shall we?

SENATE MAJORITY LEADER BILL FRIST, (R-TN): IAVA Grade D (and he wants to be president???)

JOHN MCCAIN (R-AZ): IAVA Grade D (Am I really surprised? After all he was tortured himself, and still voted to allow American authorities to torture, so betraying his fellow veterans who lack his personal resources is no big deal to this ol' friend of Charles Keating)

SAXBY CHAMBLISS (R-GA): IAVA Grade D- (Remember him? Chambliss, who avoided Vietnam with a law school deferment and a "bad knee", beat triple amputee Vietnam veteran Max Cleland in 2002 by attacking the combat wounded Democrat's commitment to national defence and "the troops")

So if you are one of those "National Security Democrats" who feel beholden to vote Republican because you believe that it takes bastards to protect us from even bigger bastards ("Oderint dum metuant" as Caligula would have had it) take a second to check out the security and veterans support voting record of your local candidates. You might be surprised by what you find.

Poisoned Chalice?

The Democratic Party on November 8th?
Can it be a bad thing to win an election? Conventional wisdom and polling data suggests that the Democratic Party are poised to take back the House of Representatives and even possibly the Senate on November 7th, finally breaking the Republican trifecta of power enjoyed by the GOP since 2002. For many of us, exasperated by the shenanigans of the Republican Party since they took sole control of the House, Senate, and Presidency, at first blush the prospect of a shift to the Democrats looks like a welcome tonic. Alas, this might not be the case.

I lack access to a reliable crystal ball (or even "THE math" possessed by Karl Rove) but I can read polling data as well as anyone and it looks as if should everything that can be reasonably expected to go well on the night happens, the Democrats could have a 3 to 5 seat advantage in the House and a 1 seat advantage to only a 3 or 4 seat deficit in the Senate (of course now that I have written that down the GOP will squeak in with similar margins; note I did say only if everything goes well...). Not bad for a party facing down a mess of incumbents and a conscience-free opponent, to be at worst a few heart attacks away from other stabs at total control of Congress. The only problem is that after the victory banners come down and the confetti is swept up the voters will expect the Democratic Party to take that razor thin majority and try to legislate. That means:

1) Maintaining complete and total party discipline at such a time when a Representative's "vote premium" (i.e. how much their vote is worth to the leadership) could not be higher. Get ready for GOP style pork spending.

2) Having Representatives maintain a 100% voting record.

3) Hoping against hope that the GOP-held Senate will go along with legislation hostile to their party platform and their President two years out from an open vacancy in the White House (how better for a Senator to burnish his or her presidential chances than posing as a rock-ribbed conservative and leading the charge against the Democratic House?).

4) Realizing that the guy in the White House you have been calling a "warmongering doofus" is the one you need not to veto your legislation.

Do you think Karl Rove or his successors could make something of a Democratic-lead house that seemed to get nothing done in two years by the time the 2008 house and senate races are on us?

I'm torn. In my preferred senario the Dems take the Senate and can therefore provide insurance against the potential death of Justice John Paul Stevens (86 years old) in the next two years gifting Bush another easy Supreme Court appointment. They could also stand to gain more from the perceived gravitas of the Senate versus the cock-fighting pit that is the House. Short of a few brilliant surges in some margin-call races however, the House looks like the Dems best bet.

However, I'm going to keep hoping for a swing to the Democrats at any link in the legislative chain despite the risks of it being a mere blip in an ongoing Republican ascendancy. Not because I am a Democrat (I'm more a natural member of the Cynical Curmudgeon Party: Non-Aligned Wing [animal logo: a surly hippo) but because I am greatly peturbed by the idea of all power being concentrated in the hands of one party. If the Democratic Party is handed the House by the voters on the 7th, I hope they have enough sense to act as procrastinating blockers rather than advance doomed social legislation Don Quixote-like against the still-powerful and sly Republican windmill. Rove and Co. built a machine that was meant to last and there won't be a Jack Abramoff or Mark Foley every election cycle. This could be the crack the Democrats need to eventually lever the whole window open, but they need to play a canny game.

Depressing, ain't it?

Still, if you haven't had enough mid-term stuff already, the BBC's North America correspondents are maintaining a blog separate from their reporting that gives an outsider's view of the campaigns (you can even read melodrama villain Justin Webb and imagine him twirling his waxed moustache) and the Annenberg Public Policy Center of the University of Pennsylvania is running a non-partisan website called Fact Check.org where you can see how well various candidate's claims stack up against the record and just who is being the most egregious bastard when it comes to negative advertising.

Arlington East

My father-in-law, the Reverend Liberal Thunderer, sent along some photos today of a recent event a whole bunch of Cape Cod peace groups and churches organised on Coast Guard Beach in Eastham (where he is the United Methodist minister). The pictures are pretty powerful. Regardless of where you stand on the war, at the very least applaud the peace people for treating us like adults when it comes to casualties, unlike our political leaders:


Among others, P-Town UMC were there...
...as was my father-in-law and the Eastham UMC.


As reported in The Cape Codder:
"The tribute, organized by Cape Codders for Peace and Justice and named "Arlington East," is meant to "make the war real," said Diane Turco, the Harwich schoolteacher who traveled to Crawford, Texas, last year in support of Cindy Sheehan... Along with Camp Casey, Sheehan supporters constructed Arlington South in Crawford, followed by "Arlington West" in Santa Monica and Santa Barbara, Calif., and "Arlington North" in Philadelphia.

"[We] were thinking we had to have some kind of event to continue to make the war real [to Cape Codders]," said Turco. "It just caught fire," she added, and the Cape Cod Chapter of Veterans for Peace got involved. "The purpose is to allow people to express their grief, respect and thoughts," explained Turco. "We believe that humanity can and must rise above violence to build a world of justice and peace for all peoples."

The display, recalling the country's most famous resting place for war veterans in Washington, D.C., will also pay homage to civilians and members of the press who have lost their lives. Event organizer John Bangert, also of Harwich, said, "People haven't seen this war, so we want to bring it home. We want to acknowledge the human cost of war. People don't get to Arlington very much. So it's a portable Arlington Cemetery." (The rest...)

Not Surprised, Just Disappointed

After leaving work early today with a strained back I was beavering away on the internet when I stumbled across the comments thread on a well considered post about the probable official/press lackey US reaction to comments made by State Department official Alberto Fernandez on Al Jazeera this past weekend. One of the first unofficial defenders of the Bushites was linked to in the post, a blog that featured this quote on it's masthead from the BBC's Washington correspondent Justin Webb:

"America is often portrayed as an ignorant, unsophisticated sort of place, full of bible bashers and ruled to a dangerous extent by trashy television, superstition and religious bigotry, a place lacking in respect for evidence based knowledge. I know that is how it is portrayed because I have done my bit to paint that picture, and that picture is in many respects a true one."

Webb's quote comes from the transcript of a broadcast he made for BBC radio at the time of the Terri Schaivo case (the full transcript is here). Setting aside the fact that Webb was offering a mea culpa and explaining that the United States isn't always as simple as he tries to portray and is therefore being taken out of context, it was interesting to note that one of the commenters on the Fernandez post saw the Webb quote on the offending Bushie's blog and wrote:

"Justin Webb got the US right, methinks."

Sigh. There they go again.

Regular visitors here will know that I love my BBC. I have however long been pained by Justin Webb's reporting, not because it doesn't reflect aspects of the truth (there are religious nuts and all manner of kooks here in the States after all- American TV thrives on pointing out how mad many of its potential viewers are) but because he only covers a tiny portion of this country and presents it as the blanket truth. I'm a lefty who dispairs of religion and much of US foreign policy and it still drives me up the wall. I suppose it must be the amateurish smuggness of it all; the way Webb prefers to feed prejudices than tell an interesting and nuanced story without tidy villains dotted throughout.

But Webb isn't the cause; just a symptom. In what might be the longest example in history of having a chip on one's shoulder (unless the Greeks are still angry at the residents of Rome for eclipsing their moment of power) there is a sizable- and relatively educated yet intellectually lazy- segement of British society that revels in asserting its anti-American attitude before all the facts of a story are in. Encompassing everything from fast food (they don't seem to know that Burger King was owned by a British company until 2002) to religious fervour (ignoring the fact that the world's oldest organisation for evangelicals is the British Evangelical Alliance: keeping going for 160 years in an avowedly secular culture is quite impressive) all aspects of low brow culture are extrapolated to blanket this massive and hugely diverse country under a calumny of epic proportions.

It's obvious that I'm not going to change their minds. Like the American creationists they so abhor, these British happy generalisers prefer to think within their self-imposed intellectual strictures. They will never be comfortable admitting that their view of the United States is as infantile and useless a model as the one put about by the Daily Mail on asylum seekers. Therefore I have decided that if I can't beat them, I can at least play their game, and will attempt to use their framework for describing Great Britain:

London: 22nd October, 2006:
One of the first things that will strike a visitor to these shores is the overwhelming presence of the police. The main streets of not just the major population centers but even the smallest village are swarmed with police vans come 11pm (when the majority of the country's pubs shut) in order to deal with the vast armies of drunks spilling from their doors looking for a fight. Ordinary citizens are afraid to walk the streets after dark, lest they be targeted by roaming bands of boozers. Although Britain's booze culture is not the only cause for the deserted streets: a generalized fear of the young and vicious continues even when the bars are closed or the potential assailants are under age.

Yet despite the heavy presence of the law nowhere in Britain do people feel safe, as perverts and hoodlums lurk in every dark corner. Not even schools are free from the menace of stranger danger. And forget about having a pleasant commute; between the phantom train defecators and the happy slapping the chances of you arriving at work unmolested appear slim. Such is the danger Britain's citizens present to each other that wearing a hooded sweatshirt, such a common and unremarkable garment here in the United States, is regarded as such a threat to civil society that even Prime Minister Tony Blair thinks they should be banned in public.

But lest you get the impression that you would be immediately knifed upon arriving at Heathrow airport, I'd like to offer a few grains of reassurance. You are far more likely to be killed by a home grown muslim terrorist than by a hoodie wearing drunken happy slapper covered in poo. The feral youngsters who make Britain such a living hell are too fat to chase you, and in the unfortunate event that you do find yourself cornered by a terrorist, drunk, or young tearaway don't be afraid should they ask where you are from. Even with the endemic anti-Americanism rife in British society, many Britons are so thick that if you told them Minneapolis was just up the road from Windsor Castle they would have to take your word for it as they would lack the means to find out for themselves.

Now could you ask for a more fair and sourced picture of the United Kingdom?

Her Shoes Are Too Big For You, Ladies

Both of these US Senators; alleged "moderate" Republicans from Maine, claim the mantle of this pioneering Senator, who was a true moderate Republican from Maine:
One of the current pair, Snowe, is running for re-election, claiming that she stands up to her big nasty GOP colleagues with good ol' Maine common sense. Funny then that she voted to confer war powers on Bush in 2002 and has continued to support the debacle in Iraq. Funny then that she voted to confirm Justices Roberts and Alito despite their cro-magnon views on women's rights. Funny then that she made loud noises about the Geneva Convention then voted for the Senate's "torture-light" bill. Funny then that she only seems to make a stand when an issue is of absolutely no importance whatsoever.

Funny then that for all her attempts to adopt the mantle of Margaret Chase Smith we have yet to hear anything like Smith's "Declaration of Conscience" speech of 6/1/1950 cross Snowe's lips on the Senate floor in the twelve years she has ineffectively and meekly held office. With every passing year the stakes are raised and Snowe's Northeastern style of Republicanism is evermore eclipsed by the "God, guns, and gays" ogres of her party and yet she sits meekly by, waiting for her Senate pension to kick in. Meanwhile, using the power and fundraising ability of incumbency, she cons Mainers into thinking she is their independent voice in the party of power. In reality all Snowe represents is a warm body helping to shore up the Republican majority; to be patronized by the leadership on matters pertaining to lobsters and lighthouses but otherwise just counted as another vote for the GOP.

I'm not sure what makes me madder; Snowe's continued attempts to sell down home hokum to the good folks o' Maine, or the fact that the good folks o' Maine keep buying her shinola. Tell a Mainer he's independent and he'll depend on you forever, it seems.

"I would like to speak briefly and simply about a serious national condition. It is a national feeling of fear and frustration that could result in national suicide and the end of everything that we Americans hold dear. It is a condition that comes from the lack of effective leadership in either the Legislative Branch or the Executive Branch of our Government." (Margaret Chase Smith condemns McCarthyism from the Senate floor, June 1, 1950)

Borat Claims to Be Khazak, But Maybe He is Ethnic-Russian?

Thank goodness she's standing next to Borat and not Putin
Here's noted stand-up comedian and Russian President Vladimir Putin, commenting on the rape allegations against Israeli President Moshe Katsav to Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert:

"What a mighty man he turns out to be! He raped 10 women - I would never have expected this from him. He surprised us all - we all envy him!"

According to Kremlin spokesman Dmitri Peskov, Putin "Was joking".

Hmmm. I refer you to my post of 10/13/06.

Oh, Bugger

Tony LaRussa celebrates the Cardinals' win last night as Albert Pujols stands in the background. Fun fact: LaRussa is the only leathery skinned undead Pete Rose lookalike coaching in the majors today.
Mets chums; by backing you publicly yesterday I may have inadvertenly cursed you with my family finger of destruction. I do know of the depths in which you currently wallow, and be assured that if I knew how to post audio files to this blog, I'd have Don't Give Up by Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush up here for you in a jiffy.

Sob on my friends, sob on: only 6 months until opening day 2007.

Shea Butter

To all my New York Mets-rooting pals, notwithstanding 1986 (which I am reliably informed you did not win but rather the Red Sox lost), I would like to extend not the middle finger but rather the fraternal hand of solidarity and say (even though you ain't there yet and I'm not opposed to the the Tigers per se):

Let's Go Mets!

If you take the Cardinals tonight I shall cheer for you in the Series. And for this guy:

Engaging The Grand Theft Auto Generation

With the dirtiest stain on the global concience going almost unremarked this election season as we worry about North Korean pop-gun nukes, nefarious Iranians, and bellum uninteruptus in Iraq, I thought I would highlight a story that first emerged last spring about a free video game designed to highlight the ongoing disaster in Darfur.

Working on the theory that in an age of 24 hour ADD news networks and an editorial preference for the purient over the substantial the young and potentially idealistic were lacking opportunities to fully understand the tragic narratives of our times, students at the University of Southern California developed the video game Darfur is Dying in order to offer kids raised on PS2s the means to get engaged. The Darfur game launched last May and was played by more than 700,000 people in its first month online. This lead directly to tens of thousands of emails from players to legislators demanding action on the crisis. The format proved so popular that there is now a game dedicated to the ongoing conflict between Palestinians and Israelis.

The BBC quotes Sheila Moorcroft, a British futures research consultant, as saying these sort of games have a definite impact, noting:

...She (Moorcroft) understood that on one level people could feel that making a game out a conflict situation "trivialises" it. But she added that younger people are not engaged with traditional politics, and additionally get their information about the world in new ways. This actually makes games a good platform for exploring the complexity of an issue, she said.

"An awful lot of what is in the media today is simplistic - it's headlines, it's soundbites," she said. "People don't actually have a chance to explore the complexities of some of the situations of a conflict. In the Darfur Is Dying game, you're someone collecting water and you've just got to use your arrows and space bar to hide from the patrols. Suddenly you realise - as happened, because people started phoning up - this is for real, this is serious."

I'm all in favour of this approach. It is all too easy (and oddly satisfying) to wring one's hands and bemoan the disengagement of youth/the general public/one's neighbours/the media but all that angst does little to change the paradigm one objects to. It is much better to move towards the disengaged with the means of perking interest than try to drag them towards you. Time is too pressing to attack others for not being like you; instead we should surpress our egos a little and keep our eyes on the ultimate goal.

The Gettysburg Address Was Delivered From the Bed of a Chevy Silverado

If history sells trucks, Toyota is missing a trick
What posessed Chevrolet to sink a fortune into a truck commercial that not only featured a horrible piece of faux-patriotic sentimental crap by John "Don't Call Me Cougar" Mellencamp for the music, but also attempted to link Chevy trucks to momentous events in US history? We are all used to corporations misappropriating Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King to sell consumer goods (and naturally Chevy checked those boxes) but I think this was the first example of using both 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina.

I now await the commercial from the Ford Motor Company, extolling the links between their Lincoln brand and the Kennedy assassination.

Veggie Tales is Getting Some Competition

From the BBC today:

"Cartoon tribute to Pope John Paul
A cartoon version of the life of Pope John Paul II, telling the story of his life and death in animated form, is to be released on DVD by the Vatican. The film, subtitled The Friend of All Humanity, will be the first cartoon account of a Pope's life...(the rest of the story)"

Shot in spectacular Vaticanvison this is a Holy (must) See! This manga Monsignor is a box office cert that will crucify the competition, and is expected to easily surpass the Reverend Ian Paisley's Reservoir Prods ("Mr Orange, Mr Orange, and Mr Orange") in opening weekend takings. Some suggest it may outdo The Lady and the Tramp! Stock up on the popecorn and hit the multiplex; its the family movie for the holidays for those of you banned by ecclesiastical law from having families upon taking holy orders.

Do you think transubstantiation is possible with a 48oz pepsi and gummy bears?

Cynicism is Just a Polite Way of Showing Rage

Take it away, Jarvis
If you click on the caption of the G8 leadership photo above, it should take you to a flash animation by Tim Ireland (Bloggerheads) and an incredibly work- and sensitive soul-inapropriate song about the division of power in this world by Pulp's Jarvis Cocker. Should anyone who thinks even the laser-like deployment of the alleged filthiest Anglo-Saxon word still in English usage (hey! One of the above words sort of rhymes with it!) is always inappropriate, again don't listen to the song. And apologies to Junichiro Korizumi, who has since been replaced as chief lying bastard of Japan by Shinzo Abe.

In the future when people ask me my political philosophy- am I right, left, or middle?- I shall point them to this song, whose chorus sums up my feelings nicely.

The Chav Revolution Is Coming

Lunchtime at the Rawmarsh Comprehensive School, Rotherham, England.
I saw this a while ago and really wanted to post it, then I promptly forgot all about it. I would apologise for the oversight, but I don't think you would believe I was being sincere.

Parents feed pupils through gates

Pupils at a South Yorkshire school are being fed fish and chips through the gates by parents who say the canteen is not providing what their children want.

Students at Rawmarsh Comprehensive are not allowed out of the grounds at lunchtime, so some parents are taking their orders for the chip shop instead. They say pupils are not being given enough time or choice for their meals. But the school said it aimed to provide good quality food that helped pupils to concentrate in the afternoons.

Julie Critchlow is one of the parents who delivers pupils' orders from the grounds of a neighbouring cemetery in Rotherham while the school gates are locked. "The children aren't eating what the school provide in the cafeteria because they don't like the quality of the food," she said. "By the time the children have queued to get their lunch they haven't time to eat it. They prefer to come to us to have their food delivered fresh and hot, which is what they're asking for. We're giving them what they're asking for."

The move is being seen as a backlash against TV chef Jamie Oliver's campaign for healthy school dinners. the rest of the story..."

Back when I was a wee lad, we used to order pizzas at night and wait ninja style in the bushes for the delivery person then spring up with the money and run with the pie (it was a boarding school and such exta-curricular dining was discouraged). Either that or we would ask day pupil Mondale to smuggle stuff in concealed in the door panels of Jeff the Ford Fiesta. Now these pathetic sops have to get their parents to do it for them. The youth of today, pah.

Its Not a Proper Night Out Unless You Need Antibiotics In The Morning

Oh England, my England.....

"Cattle TB spreads among clubbers
Six people have contracted bovine tuberculosis in an outbreak in Birmingham which has killed one man. Three are thought to have picked up the infection at a bar and nightclub, two had visited the same venue and one was acquainted with others infected."

Of course here in the USA fatal nightclub TB would be blamed on Al Qadea sleeper cells or the hair metal band Great White.

Saturday Night Heifer, by Rob Scotten

Support Your Local Gunfighter

I don't usually write about Maine politics, never mind its intensely local iteration in the form of the race for Sheriff here in Knox County, but I hope you'll give me the benefit of the doubt and read on as I appear to have stumbled across an amazing story. The Republicans are running a performance artist acting out an uber-cop cliche role, and it looks like he might actually win! This could be the first Borat, Ali G style over-the-top fake character to take on a major law enforcement job in Maine. (OK, the second Borat, Ali G style over-the-top fake character if you include former Portland capo Mike Chitwood.) Welcome to the candidacy of Alfred Ockenfels for Knox County Sheriff.

Alfie used to be police chief here in Rockland. He retired a a couple of years ago, went to Jordan to train Iraqi coppers, and then came back to run for sheriff, knocking aside the Republican incumbent in the primary to emerge at the head of the pack. His position as GOP candidate seems to suggest an easy stroll to office, as Knox County likes their lawmen Republican (it is also why we keep invading neighboring Waldo County to look for non-existent WMD).

When I heard Ockenfels was running I toyed with the idea of running my own shadow candidacy under the name "Mike Ockenbals" (say it fast) but the more I've learned about Alfie the more I feel he has the cop parody act around here sewn up. For instance:

Fun Fact 1: Alf has a German Shepherd named "Tazer".

Fun Fact 2: Alf used to sit on the national board of the NRA and reliable sources report that he refused to endorse a local youth organization unless they re-named their "Shoot cameras, not guns" anti-violence program.

Fun Fact 3: Despite this being Maine, Alf wore a cowboy hat and rode a white horse in this year's lobster parade to show everyone that he looked like a sheriff.

Fun Fact 4: Alf appears to be the model for Carlos Alazraqui's "Deputy Garcia" on Comedy Central's Reno 911:


The only thing you can't find any facts about are what he actually stands for, what he believes, and what his plans for Knox County law enforcement will be should he be elected. Just trivial stuff, after all.

I'll keep you posted, dear readers, should Alfie win. Should things follow the script, I reckon every prison riot will become a laugh riot with Sheriff O at the helm. Watch this space.

Most Unfortunate, Given Recent Headlines

I noticed to my slight horror this morning that with my unruly hair combed into a work-appropriate place with the help of wax and with my sunglasses on I look like an orange version of Kim Jong Il.

Werner Von Braun: get on your dancing shoes, there's one thing on your mind

I was listening to NPR on my way to work this morning and heard a non-proliferation chappie describe nuclear disarmament as "not rocket science".

Isn't it just a little bit though?

While on the subject of popular phrases and terminology, the BBC reports that a new dictionary of contemporary slang is coming out (and it is apparently for teachers, by the look of the publisher's website). If anyone is thinking this early about Christmas presents, I'd love a copy of I Smirt, You Stooze, They Krump.

Although I suspect it is a manufactured top-down rather than organically created bottom-up word I'm a fan of celebutard, which according to the Beeb is "A blend of celebrity, debutante and retard - would be used to describe a celebrity noted for displays of stupidity."

We are a smart bunch in this corner of the blogosphere: we should be able to come up some doozies* ourselves, don't you think?

(*Another manufactured word, from Duesenberg, the fantastically elegant car marque from the twenties & thirties)

Denny, You're Doing A Heck of A Job

Former Representative Mark Foley seen entering rehab yesterday.
(For our overseas chums who may not follow the minutae of American domestic politics, a good precis and continuing coverage of the Foley Scandal can be found here).

As the Foley story moved forward yesterday and the revelations kept piling up it was almost inevitable that the President would have to step forward and outline the White House's position on the matter, not least because the Republicans are in real danger of alienating a significant proportion of their conservative base over the antics of the sex-text congressman. And as always in these situations, Mr. Bush showed his natural inclination to shower the incompetent and cowardly with praise or promotion rather than use the bully pulpit to demand adult behaviour and higher standards of his colleagues. Once again, political damage limitation has been placed above the people's right to effective and selfless governance. Hardly the approach one would expect from the government of MBAs and CEOs we were promised as a replacement for the Friends of Bill in 2000.

Faced with mounting evidence that Dennis Hastert (the speaker of the house) knew that Foley was the sort of chap that wrote on toilet walls and tossed off on park benches while dreaming of teenaged boys several years before this story finally broke, President Bush did what he always does and made a point of fulsomely and vacuously praising the Speaker;

"“I know Denny Hastert. He is a father, teacher, coach, who cares about the children of this country. I know that he wants all the facts to come out, and he wants to ensure that these children up there on Capitol Hill are protected.”

I know a President needs allies on the hill to help him get legislation passed, but one would think he needs a Republican majority more and thus could probably do without metaphorically putting his arm around this craven lard tub who can only further weaken the image of the GOP. Not that I object to that, by any means. But back to the key point of praise in the President's statement:

"I know Denny Hastert. He is a father, teacher, coach, who cares about the children of this country."

I'm glad Mr. Bush included "coach"; that must be the key to Hastert's caring "about the children of this country" and an example of his moral probity. Or perhaps not; perhaps as a class coaches are not exempt from corrupt practices. How about "teacher"? Hmm. Again, maybe not. What about fatherhood? Surely that's the key to a moral life? How about this father?

I'm not suggesting that coaches, fathers, or teachers are more inclined to evil than anyone else. However these roles are not enough alone to endow moral authority on someone. I would have prefered to hear the President say "Speaker Hastert acted swiftly to end contact between Foley and the pages as soon as he was informed of the problem and he contacted the appropriate authorities". But no.

For all the swagger and machismo of American politics nobody in DC seems willing to be a man in these situations. When was the last resignation from our body politic based on principle rather than on being caught you can remember?

We Will Fight To The Last Drop Of Your Blood

Custer Stayed The Course
Working Assets has recently been running a contest (now closed) to come up with a slogan to counter Republican talking points such as "Cut and run" and "Stay the course". Unfortunately, now that the voting on the various slogans has closed Working Assets has taken the list down until they announce the winner on October 10th (way to permeate the message through the membrane, you dumb hippies. Leave them up and let them spread, already!) but Sean Paul Kelley over at Agonist helpfully posted a few of the best here. As Kelley writes;

"My favorite slogan in opposition to and a way of reframing the notorious "cut and run" is: "Any kid but mine". The next time a Republican says that to me I will reply, "sure thing, Mr. Any Kid But Mine.""

The mid-terms aren't too far off, and even if you manage to avoid having to tangle with any Bush boosters during election season, keep these under your belt until Thanksgiving with that odd conservative cousin or aunt.

Rumpshaker

Artist's rendering of my old roommate, Boo Jones
I was on the telephone with my former roommate and good chum Boo Jones last night, passing mutual compliments back and forth about a splendid breakfast we had shared in Bar Harbor the previous day in the company of our lovely consorts, when there was a burst of static on the line and a tinkling sound like several chandeliers shaking at once.

"Holyfuckingshitholyfuckingshitthatwasanotherearthquakeholyfuckingshit woweveryoneisoutonthestreetjesusthatwasfreakyandcoolholyshit!" boomed Jones in one breath.

Before last night I had never been on the phone with someone as an earthquake took place. Now I can cross that experience off my list. This was Bar Harbor and Mount Desert Island's third tremor in 10 days, and the strongest to date with a magnitude of 3.9.

I hope Country Mouse and I don't have to pull out the futon and prepare to receive refugees from among our MDI family and friends. I was hoping to use the upcoming weekend to wash the living room blinds rather than run a soup kitchen for our indigent chums. However, as our mutual friend Stipe noted, That's great, it starts with an earthquake... Also, Tim Daly was on the island a few years ago for the filming of The Storm of the Century and we all know that Tim Daly sightings precede most natural disasters (he has a sixth sense for being in the right place to research his next TV movie role).

Should this seismic activity continue I may be inspired to dust off and polish up my Maine volcano disaster movie script, Cracker-toa, East of Cleveland.

Truly, A Star

After a weekend in Bar Harbor hearing from all and sundry how they thought the earthquake (below) was a) someone backing a car into their building; b) their furnace back-firing after the summer layoff; or c) the washing machine in spin cycle, I opened my email inbox to see the following message from Bill Norris:

And it is done.

As part of our ongoing Yankees/Red Sox bet, Bill transformed himself from pinstriper to royal rooter with the help of some temporary tattoos and some artful photography from Olga. The full series can be found here, but for now here is my current favorite:



I am glad Bill was able to ease the pain of having to bear the mark of the beast by spinning a fine narrative to accompany the pictures. After reading his words, let nobody doubt his empathy for the transformative power of suffering. Perhaps after this he is a little closer to understanding that sport, like life, is not about how many championship rings you buy but about how you play the game.